Thursday, December 29, 2005

Q&A W/Ben #2

I've gotten quite a few anonymous questions, so just assume they were submitted that way unless otherwise told. Its been an interesting week. Supposedly one of the easiest of the year, but I've yet to go to bed before midnight. Anyway, here's the 2nd addition of Q&A w/Ben.

I have a zit under my right eyebrow. If I pop it, will it be more or less visible?

Much more visible, but you have to pop it anyway. Popping is just way to much fun. Do it in front of your work mirror, that'll piss people off.

How do I know when I'm old?

Age has absolutely nothing to do with how old you are. This fact is proven by Joe, that friend we all have, who happens to be 7 years older than us, likes dating girls 7 years younger than us, and likes hanging out with us, though he acts around the same age as the girls he's dating. Joe's age might be 33, but he's definitely around 14 years old. Ben has 4 measures being old; hair, memory, lint, lifecycle. When totaled, you get your relative age.

Hair - measured by A) the number of years since you got your first grey hair or B) the number of times you a week you need to clean the shower drain b/c your hair is clogging it or C) the number of hundreds of dollars you spend on your hair annually (more accurate for girls, most would be around $400 = 4, however my grandma is prob around $4,000 = 40)
Add the maximum of the 3 of those to...

Memory - The number of times a week you email yourself at home, from your work email, so you don't forget to do something when you get home. Plus the number of times a week you call your own voicemail to leave yourself a message. Plus the number of times a week you ask someone to remind you of something. Plus the number of times a week you write yourself a note.
Add this number to...

Lint - The number of years you've been finding lint in your belly button when you take your undershirt off. As far as I'm concerned, this is the most accurate of the 4 measures of oldness.
Add this number to...

Lifecycle - 3 times the number of bathrooms in the places you live/own minus 3. For example, if you are in a 1 bath studio, 1x3-3=0. Or, if you are in a dorm w/a communal bathroom, subtract 3. (if you have 2 houses with 3 bathrooms in each, that's 2x3x3-3=15.

From these calculations, I'm 14, and I estimate my dad is 62.5 and my grandma is 115 (she leaves herself a lot of notes).

I edited this for legibility, but I think you all still know who wrote it - My old friend just IMed me and like was like I haven't seen you in forever come visit me. I'm like, "ahh, I can't." He's like, "do you have any pictures." I'm like, "only a really bad one" and I showed him a really bad one and he's like "You are still hot." I'm like "haha, do have any?" And he gained a lot of weight in school I was like "Oh my god, you look so much older!" What is one supposed to say to that!?

You could say - you look, A) mature B) good too or C) the same. You're good at lying...try it sometime.

Who are the Gastineau girls and why are they famous and why do they have a TV show?

All I know is that they are a mother daughter version of Paris and Nicole. This is what I got from TV guide:

"Lisa is a former model who made mad money in a divorce settlement with NFL star hubby Mark Gastineau. Brittny, her daughter, hasn't worked a day in her life. She lived with her grandmother after her parents' divorce and is now moving back to her mother's NYC pad after leaving college in Alabama. They're both looking for fame, fortune, happiness and true love, though not necessarily in that order."

Yea, I don't it either. Why not just take two hot twins dumb twins or something. To me, there's no appeal to a mother daughter combination.

A few of us were sitting around the table discussing an issue and couldn't get an answer so we thought we would ask you, the wise one. As you know, Dillon (owner of Dillon's candy shop on 60th and 3rd) is the daughter of Ralph Lauren the famous polo shirt guy. The question came up and we had no clue as to the answer. Did Dillon spend Thanksgiving dinner with her dad?

The source 2 sources I found said that he had 3 children; one of them named Dylan, and did not mention their whereabouts on Thanksgiving. I did not know that the two were related however, Dillon spent the day with her mother's side of the family, and not her fathers.

If you knew your boyfriend's password, would you check his email? What if you got suspicious? What if he was your ex boyfriend?

I couldn't answer this one b/c I have a majorly biased opinion on the subject. However, I got a guest answerer, "Iowa,"to give you some "rational" thoughts.

I wouldn't -- if you felt the need to open then your relationship is definitely not based on trust. I would also want them to have a life separately than me, just like my friends share with me things I would never share with my boyfriend that have to do with their lives so i assume his friends would share with him. If he was having illicit email conversations with someone then your relationship is doomed anyways and you'd find out one way or another (i.e.via IM from someone you haven't talked to in like 10 yrs j/k had to put it in there) (no, you're not kidding!!)

If he's your ex boyfriend, then the answer is still no. Let's say you broke up because he was an asshole -- you wouldn't want to know what was going on anyways because really you don't want him in your life. Let's say he was the best thing that ever happened to you and he broke your heart would you really want to know that he was in love with someone else?

And if you broke up because you plain didn't like him -- do you really care? If you meant that much to him anything important in his life he would probably want to share with you and if you all meant that much to each other you would probably still keep up every once in awhile anyways.

Ben - On the irrational side, curiosity does get the better of most of us and many of us would not be strong enough to resist. If we got into the habit of checking, while you were dating, it would be hard to break that habit.

So Jason White wins the Heisman Trophy at Oklahoma... Whatever happened to him? He didn't get drafted into the NFL. Why not?

Not only did White win the Heisman in 2003, he came in second in voting in 2004. This all came after he hurt his knee and thus hardly played in 2001 and 2001. He was undrafted due to his lack of mobility, arm strength, health problems and due to the simplicity of the offence he played in during college. He was signed as a free agent after the draft by the Tennessee Titans but he retired from playing shortly after training camp started due to knee problems. I'm not sure what he's done for the last 8 months, but he'll probably end up coaching somewhere, my guess at a HS.

Why can't some people answer simple questions? I asked someone if they thought there was going to be an MTA strike, and they couldn't answer. Obv all I was looking for was an uneducated "yes" or "no" answer. I don't get it.

I have no answer to this one. I don't think I've ever met a guy with this problem, but I'm not saying it's a gender issue. My roommate's girlfriend is very similar. We asked her to guess how much a 1 hour appearance by Jay Leno would cost, and she wouldn't answer. Obviously, none of us were speaking from any prior knowledge but it was not hard for me to spit out $30,000 and my roommate to guess $400,000. For some reason, she got uncomfortable and couldn't say anything. I don't get it either. The real answer is $100,000, and we found out Cheryl Crow gets $400,000 if you want her for a private 1 hour performance!!

My question is simple and of course asked in a million movies. "Can a girl and a guy just be friends?" I used to believe it was possible but with all the stuff that has happened to me since I got home I'm questioning. And to add to it - Can a single girl and guy just be friends? And how does one of them or both of them having a "companion" make it more possible or does it really not matter. And to take it further...if they dated or were physical in the past...does that mean "just friends" is completely out of the picture?

The above questioner seems to be defining "just friends" as to no physical contact. Thus, for these purposes, I will keep that assumption in tact.

Absolutely! There are 6 different ways that a girl and a guy can be friends.

A) The guy is gay.
B) The guy is in a relationship / married and the girl is gay
C) The guy is single, but the girl is really ugly, I'm talking Quasimodo here.
D) Both are married and all 4 people like each other.
E) They used to be married, but now they are over 65, and their kids have kids.
F) They live at least 2,000 miles away and don't see each other more than 1x a year.

Any other combination, just will not work. Most of us can write pages on our own personal experiences. Being a math person, I'd be better off using a matrix with X's in the boxes that don't work. To answer the above questions, having a significant other will help the "friendship." If you've had relations in the past with this person, and you want to be just friends, you need to be very self confident / self actualized / and so does he (ie letter "D"). Now, you can have a very good relationship that's based on friendship w/o those above traits, however, you would need to be flirting, and possibly hooking up a little, thus breaking your definition of "just friends." Sorry, I'm not going to dive into the guy's conscious and give away all of our secrets as to what we are thinking and why we are friends w/some people.

"Robin" asks - Can I wear both a striped shirt and striped pants?

I'm no fashion expert, but that just sounds silly. As many of you know, there are only really 6 rules to fashion that I follow. Some other rules need to be added for girls, especially for the Tidal Wave that sits next to me at work. I've got about 25 rules for her including not wearing low ride jeans to work with a thong when they don't cover your ass and your thong strap is a good five inches above your pant line.

These are Ben's rules of fashion, which I've posted above the door of my bedroom, and keep in my wallet incase I travel.

1) Black socks=black shoes, colored socks=brown shoes, white socks=sneakers
2) No exposed belt loops. If you tuck in your shirt, wear a belt. No exceptions
3) Belt color must match shoe color (black w/black, brown w/brown)
4) Wear an undershirt
5) Don't wear the same color pants and shirt
6) No white pants, seriously, don't even think about it

Anyway, someone else here has to help "Robin" out because "striped shirt w/striped pants" is not on the list.

Where do babies come from?

Yea, these are my readers...

To contribute to this column, Email questions to

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Question Of The Day

Is it ok to eat toothpaste?


Question of the day:

Are you supposed to tip the coat check person when you give then your coat or when you get it back?

Monday, December 26, 2005

A Random Jumble of Stuff

I went to Dallas BBQ last week for the first time ever. The place was awesome, loved the smell inside. On the way in, I hold the door open for some people who were leaving, and one of them, a 7 year old girl, says thank you on the way out. Steven and I looked at eachother, thinking "did that just happen?" I never would have expected it. The Dallas BBQ is on 8th ave so I had to ask if they'd deliver to 23rd and 2nd. $25 minimum won't be a problem, soooo good.

Friday night I went to LI to be her perfect date for her company holiday party. We got there and w/all the little kids running around, she just wanted to go to the fake poker tables for the evening. So, we played some hold-em, and I won a DVD player. Def good times. I then hit up my first LI bar experience, and what an experience it was. There were Balco boys (guys on steroids) and guido's and overdressed girls w/nose jobs and well...Lets just say I was overwhelmed. I can't believe how many dirty looking boys wear black undershirts, I'm never doing that again.

I took a double decker train out there. So cool, NJ transit needs some of those :).

My friend "Pink," a recurring character in this journal (here, here, and here) who continues to say the most outlandish things, broke her record. W/all the sexual conversations, and hoolahooping naked w/her sister and crazy boyfriend stories, the comment "I don't like the Beatles, they just don't do it for me. Ashlee Simpson and Lindsey Lohan, I like." blew me away. She's officially the American Idol target audience yet I'm officially categorizing her w/the crazy sister from wedding crashers as the hottest, sexy, crazy girls I've encountered.

For some reason, that seems so much worst than her normal stuff like, "The guy who works in the office next to was leaving the bathroom the same time i was holding like wipes and spray and lysol and papertowels. i'm like 'oh, were you cleaning the bathroom' he goes 'na, i was cleaning my ass.'"

So, my sister had a bit of a babysitting emergency Saturday night, so I made some phone calls and sent some text messages in order to try to help get a sitter for xmas eve. Everyone was very nice, "sorry I can't" and "good luck finding someone" except one "friend," who gave me such shit. This is a Jewish girl, who loves kids, and thought I was friends with. The text convo went like this

Ben: Can you babysit tomorrow night?
Girl: Huh?
Ben: My niece needs a friend to play with tomorrow night
Girl: Not me
Ben: Found one, Thanks (My lil sister had found one)
The next morning:
Girl: I can't believe you asked me that.
Ben: Sorry, it was an emergency and you like kids. I won't ask you for favors anymore. Next time just say you can't.

Then the next day, she told me off online saying how "we're not friends" "I only talk to her when I want something" "I'm not the big deal I hope to be." I've never said anything that mean to the girl. I should have listened to my roommate when he told me she was worthless b/c she killed our plant while we were on vacation and wouldn't tell us for a week and didn't get us another. So, of course, 3 hours later, I bump into her at a bar. Of course :).

I had no clue what to get for dinner Saturday and Sunday nights. Nothing was open and I just was not in the mood for Chinese. I settled on eggs and toast w/butter, cinnamon and sugar...yummy breakfast for dinner.

Sunday morning, NYC was just empty (except for Pick-A-Bagel, which was packed) as I headed to CT for a little cousins only party. I submitted this to overheardnewyork:
$100 bux if he got this order correct -
Girl: "I'll have an everything bagel, scooped out and toasted with five egg whites and extra cheese but not too much extra cheese that it's gooping out, just like 1 slice more than you normally would use. Oh, and make sure the eggs are well done."
- 23rd and 3rd Pick A Bagel

Driving home from CT was just a disaster. The girl driving was my cousins girlfriend and she was a NYC girl, so had not driven in a while. I'd been drinking so wasn't about to drive and it was raining. We must have slammed on our breaks 20x on highways b/c she could not seen the road more than 50 fee ahead. I know its tough to see, but you have to assume that you're on a highway and that the road just does not end in a ravine. So, she's freaking out, slamming on her breaks when we hit puddles, driving 40 with people flying by us. Everytime there was a turn, we'd say something like, "the next exit is yours so make a right." And every time, she'd get close and be like "oh my god! Do I turn here? is this it? Make a right?" and we'd have to reassure her as she barely made the exit in time. I've never seen someone so indecisive and whatnot. We try to suggest speeding up to inline with the rest of traffic so we don't get hit from behind and so that she can just follow a car and not have to worry about lanes and curvy/ending highways. All I'm thinking is that I'm a much better driver than her when I'm 1/2 drunk. So, we get to the west side highway and around the GWB, after we've been on highways for about an hour, she's like, "I'm getting off the highways." We convince her to stay on until 95th street but seriously, you've been driving for an hour in this and you can't handle going from 95th to 58th where the west side highway has lights again? I can imagine "showgun" being something like that. We ask her a yes or no, opinion question and she can't answer them.

Iowa emailed me w/a totally random comment reminiscent of Pink - too funny:
"I had a huge piece of chicken when i came home last night i was still hungry -- and then this morning i had two waffles and two peanut buttercookies (i know i cheated!) i feel like im going to be sick by the time i get to the beach --- with all this crap ive been eating.....i think im pregnant by immaculate conception ---"

Some Things I Think I Think

I think the Dave Matthews concert was great, nothing better than finishing off with two step.

I think cell phones are the new lighters. Next time I got to a concert, I'm going to tell my whole section that when we're cheering for an encore, we're all going to take out our cell phones like lighters and waive them. I didn't do it soon enough so we only got 30 people going by the end of the encore, but next time, if a whole big group starts it, we can get the whole stadium doing it by the end.

I think that would be cool.

I think skating in Rockefeller center was tons of fun, esp since Wachovia rented the place out for their client holiday party.

I think 5x a week during Christmas season, someone proposes on the ice, under the tree, and no one ever says "no."

I think my friend Shannon is ridiculously cool, fun, hot, and wish she hung out w/me every day b/c she makes me look so much better than I am.

I think she helped my career, networking, and my firm by coming with me to a couple of my holiday parties last week.

I think this weather causes me to bite off a layer of my lips every day, even when I use Blistex on the way to and from work.

I think the Hanukkah party I went to at the Jewish Heritage Museum I went to with Happyface was fun, though it was a meet/meat market...and I was the target.

I think I'm totally uncomfortable with so many people looking at me and wondering who I am.

I think seeing Himmler’s copy of Mein Kampf really weirded me out. For those of you who don't know, he may be responsible for the deaths of 11M people, but my family, he helped save.

I think I saw a sign to email and I want to email to tell them to back off.

I think I said “good luck” to 4 bus drivers this week, and they all understand how important they are and I trust them much more than I trust big business.

I think someone in my building had sex at 5am last night in the laundry room and my doormen have it on video.

I think my doorman told my roommate that they think it was me.

I think I don't remember having sex last night, esp in the laundry room, and I think I was sober.

I think I checked my cell phone and didn't call anyone after midnight and before 11am.

Thus, I think that if it was me, I'd have bigger problems than the trouble I'd be in with my management company.

I think having a Glade spray in the bathroom is a necessity and I don't want to imagine what people did before matches.

I think I saw a pretty good show tonight that my friend Rachel was in.

I think the theater was packed but that packed means 50 people, 45 of which have some association with the actresses and actors.

I think I should buy myself something nice with my bonus.

I think I'm really going to enjoy having a share down the shore this summer, even if I only go 8 of the 14 weekends.

I think we might need more people, so if you know anyone, let me know.

I think I might be done w/my old journal site - This just seems like its got more to offer.