Thursday, December 29, 2005

Q&A W/Ben #2

I've gotten quite a few anonymous questions, so just assume they were submitted that way unless otherwise told. Its been an interesting week. Supposedly one of the easiest of the year, but I've yet to go to bed before midnight. Anyway, here's the 2nd addition of Q&A w/Ben.

I have a zit under my right eyebrow. If I pop it, will it be more or less visible?

Much more visible, but you have to pop it anyway. Popping is just way to much fun. Do it in front of your work mirror, that'll piss people off.

How do I know when I'm old?

Age has absolutely nothing to do with how old you are. This fact is proven by Joe, that friend we all have, who happens to be 7 years older than us, likes dating girls 7 years younger than us, and likes hanging out with us, though he acts around the same age as the girls he's dating. Joe's age might be 33, but he's definitely around 14 years old. Ben has 4 measures being old; hair, memory, lint, lifecycle. When totaled, you get your relative age.

Hair - measured by A) the number of years since you got your first grey hair or B) the number of times you a week you need to clean the shower drain b/c your hair is clogging it or C) the number of hundreds of dollars you spend on your hair annually (more accurate for girls, most would be around $400 = 4, however my grandma is prob around $4,000 = 40)
Add the maximum of the 3 of those to...

Memory - The number of times a week you email yourself at home, from your work email, so you don't forget to do something when you get home. Plus the number of times a week you call your own voicemail to leave yourself a message. Plus the number of times a week you ask someone to remind you of something. Plus the number of times a week you write yourself a note.
Add this number to...

Lint - The number of years you've been finding lint in your belly button when you take your undershirt off. As far as I'm concerned, this is the most accurate of the 4 measures of oldness.
Add this number to...

Lifecycle - 3 times the number of bathrooms in the places you live/own minus 3. For example, if you are in a 1 bath studio, 1x3-3=0. Or, if you are in a dorm w/a communal bathroom, subtract 3. (if you have 2 houses with 3 bathrooms in each, that's 2x3x3-3=15.

From these calculations, I'm 14, and I estimate my dad is 62.5 and my grandma is 115 (she leaves herself a lot of notes).

I edited this for legibility, but I think you all still know who wrote it - My old friend just IMed me and like was like I haven't seen you in forever come visit me. I'm like, "ahh, I can't." He's like, "do you have any pictures." I'm like, "only a really bad one" and I showed him a really bad one and he's like "You are still hot." I'm like "haha, do have any?" And he gained a lot of weight in school I was like "Oh my god, you look so much older!" What is one supposed to say to that!?

You could say - you look, A) mature B) good too or C) the same. You're good at lying...try it sometime.

Who are the Gastineau girls and why are they famous and why do they have a TV show?

All I know is that they are a mother daughter version of Paris and Nicole. This is what I got from TV guide:

"Lisa is a former model who made mad money in a divorce settlement with NFL star hubby Mark Gastineau. Brittny, her daughter, hasn't worked a day in her life. She lived with her grandmother after her parents' divorce and is now moving back to her mother's NYC pad after leaving college in Alabama. They're both looking for fame, fortune, happiness and true love, though not necessarily in that order."

Yea, I don't it either. Why not just take two hot twins dumb twins or something. To me, there's no appeal to a mother daughter combination.

A few of us were sitting around the table discussing an issue and couldn't get an answer so we thought we would ask you, the wise one. As you know, Dillon (owner of Dillon's candy shop on 60th and 3rd) is the daughter of Ralph Lauren the famous polo shirt guy. The question came up and we had no clue as to the answer. Did Dillon spend Thanksgiving dinner with her dad?

The source 2 sources I found said that he had 3 children; one of them named Dylan, and did not mention their whereabouts on Thanksgiving. I did not know that the two were related however, Dillon spent the day with her mother's side of the family, and not her fathers.

If you knew your boyfriend's password, would you check his email? What if you got suspicious? What if he was your ex boyfriend?

I couldn't answer this one b/c I have a majorly biased opinion on the subject. However, I got a guest answerer, "Iowa,"to give you some "rational" thoughts.

I wouldn't -- if you felt the need to open then your relationship is definitely not based on trust. I would also want them to have a life separately than me, just like my friends share with me things I would never share with my boyfriend that have to do with their lives so i assume his friends would share with him. If he was having illicit email conversations with someone then your relationship is doomed anyways and you'd find out one way or another (i.e.via IM from someone you haven't talked to in like 10 yrs j/k had to put it in there) (no, you're not kidding!!)

If he's your ex boyfriend, then the answer is still no. Let's say you broke up because he was an asshole -- you wouldn't want to know what was going on anyways because really you don't want him in your life. Let's say he was the best thing that ever happened to you and he broke your heart would you really want to know that he was in love with someone else?

And if you broke up because you plain didn't like him -- do you really care? If you meant that much to him anything important in his life he would probably want to share with you and if you all meant that much to each other you would probably still keep up every once in awhile anyways.

Ben - On the irrational side, curiosity does get the better of most of us and many of us would not be strong enough to resist. If we got into the habit of checking, while you were dating, it would be hard to break that habit.

So Jason White wins the Heisman Trophy at Oklahoma... Whatever happened to him? He didn't get drafted into the NFL. Why not?

Not only did White win the Heisman in 2003, he came in second in voting in 2004. This all came after he hurt his knee and thus hardly played in 2001 and 2001. He was undrafted due to his lack of mobility, arm strength, health problems and due to the simplicity of the offence he played in during college. He was signed as a free agent after the draft by the Tennessee Titans but he retired from playing shortly after training camp started due to knee problems. I'm not sure what he's done for the last 8 months, but he'll probably end up coaching somewhere, my guess at a HS.

Why can't some people answer simple questions? I asked someone if they thought there was going to be an MTA strike, and they couldn't answer. Obv all I was looking for was an uneducated "yes" or "no" answer. I don't get it.

I have no answer to this one. I don't think I've ever met a guy with this problem, but I'm not saying it's a gender issue. My roommate's girlfriend is very similar. We asked her to guess how much a 1 hour appearance by Jay Leno would cost, and she wouldn't answer. Obviously, none of us were speaking from any prior knowledge but it was not hard for me to spit out $30,000 and my roommate to guess $400,000. For some reason, she got uncomfortable and couldn't say anything. I don't get it either. The real answer is $100,000, and we found out Cheryl Crow gets $400,000 if you want her for a private 1 hour performance!!

My question is simple and of course asked in a million movies. "Can a girl and a guy just be friends?" I used to believe it was possible but with all the stuff that has happened to me since I got home I'm questioning. And to add to it - Can a single girl and guy just be friends? And how does one of them or both of them having a "companion" make it more possible or does it really not matter. And to take it further...if they dated or were physical in the past...does that mean "just friends" is completely out of the picture?

The above questioner seems to be defining "just friends" as to no physical contact. Thus, for these purposes, I will keep that assumption in tact.

Absolutely! There are 6 different ways that a girl and a guy can be friends.

A) The guy is gay.
B) The guy is in a relationship / married and the girl is gay
C) The guy is single, but the girl is really ugly, I'm talking Quasimodo here.
D) Both are married and all 4 people like each other.
E) They used to be married, but now they are over 65, and their kids have kids.
F) They live at least 2,000 miles away and don't see each other more than 1x a year.

Any other combination, just will not work. Most of us can write pages on our own personal experiences. Being a math person, I'd be better off using a matrix with X's in the boxes that don't work. To answer the above questions, having a significant other will help the "friendship." If you've had relations in the past with this person, and you want to be just friends, you need to be very self confident / self actualized / and so does he (ie letter "D"). Now, you can have a very good relationship that's based on friendship w/o those above traits, however, you would need to be flirting, and possibly hooking up a little, thus breaking your definition of "just friends." Sorry, I'm not going to dive into the guy's conscious and give away all of our secrets as to what we are thinking and why we are friends w/some people.

"Robin" asks - Can I wear both a striped shirt and striped pants?

I'm no fashion expert, but that just sounds silly. As many of you know, there are only really 6 rules to fashion that I follow. Some other rules need to be added for girls, especially for the Tidal Wave that sits next to me at work. I've got about 25 rules for her including not wearing low ride jeans to work with a thong when they don't cover your ass and your thong strap is a good five inches above your pant line.

These are Ben's rules of fashion, which I've posted above the door of my bedroom, and keep in my wallet incase I travel.

1) Black socks=black shoes, colored socks=brown shoes, white socks=sneakers
2) No exposed belt loops. If you tuck in your shirt, wear a belt. No exceptions
3) Belt color must match shoe color (black w/black, brown w/brown)
4) Wear an undershirt
5) Don't wear the same color pants and shirt
6) No white pants, seriously, don't even think about it

Anyway, someone else here has to help "Robin" out because "striped shirt w/striped pants" is not on the list.

Where do babies come from?

Yea, these are my readers...

To contribute to this column, Email questions to Askbens@yahoo.com.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

omg im scared for your friend robin that she would even consider let alone ask the stripe stripe question the rule is only 1 print per outfjit stripe solid plaid solid any print and solid! even if your wearing a striped shirt under a sweater whihch is solid and then u only see a lil stripe u still must no question about it where solid pants, and if u wear stripe pants make sure they are vertical we dont wanna look liek shamoo over here poor girl

Anonymous said...

ben is a loser

Anonymous said...

haha i love answering your questions haha...a guy and a girl can be simply just friends outside of your 6 little examples..all of my ex bfs friends who i have never hu with and me are all just friends, like i can call them up and complain about guys they can call me up and complain about girls, no desire to hu or anything, we can hang out no awkwardness, and every1 is def good looking....or like if you used to date or whatever some1 and you realized it was going nowhere you can totally go to being just friends as long as it was a mutual decision not one person decided to end it....I have SOO many guys best friends :)

haha all girls check their current or ex bfs emails haha its stalkerish but we have the right bc we are girls and psycho...i checked my ex bfs mail while we were going out all the time and totally deleted all these emails from some slut who was like in lvoe with him....yea weve been broken up for like 3 years and i still know his password and a cutally went on his sn the other day bc his new gf blocked me and i needed to unblock myself :)

and if you have an pimple under your eyebrow you should pop it bc you can more easily coverup a flat thing then a bubble thing and if it gets really red use a green concealer under a skin tone one it will better cover it up

Anonymous said...

As you know i wasn't feeling much like working today so after you left early (fucker) i did this...
1. Pop it! It’s a pimple and people can tell one way or another…It’s so much grosser when someone is walking around with a big whitehead about to rupture…
2. If it was a guy asking about the age thing….get some Viagra it’s great…and if it was a girl…how old is his new gf?
3. I hadn’t seen one of my cousins in a while until I saw a pic of him today on myspace aka the devil or how I spend part of my day at work…he has chucked up a bit…perhaps time has that effect…the best I could come up with was…wow…he’s changed a lot…so I posted that under his pic…
4. Thankful I don’t watch TV…one perk to being cheap and a bit of a hippy…
5. ADD moment sorry lost that one…
6. Strong opinions...hmm…I don’t want the responsibility of having that information…it’s none of my business…I wouldn’t snoop if I had access to someone computer either…I wouldn’t want anyone to look at my stuff…for example dating this guy for a few weeks…stopped for a few thought it was over…went hiking with this new person and took some pics…get back with first guy the next day and while I was blowing out my hair he thought it would be a good idea to go through my pics… …he discontinued our dating after that…thankfully...more importantly he didn’t think he had done anything wrong by going through my shit?! I thought he was fucking nuts…so later I posted the pics on the website he runs…we’re still friends…see #9…Here are the pics
7. The quarter back from the Jets is hot?
8. I hate when people evade questions and guys I date seem to have that disease…
9. Can a girl be friends after with a guy…yes…can a guy be friends with a girl…no…besides Ben’s exception…
10. Wait a min…you can wear jeans to work? And damn at my job dress code policy doesn’t allow thongs…at first I thought it meant shoes after I continued to read the manual it mentioned no flip flops…I always wondered how they could implement thong checks…thankfully I’ve only been sent home to change once and it wasn’t for my thong…derailed there…umm I would like to see a photo of the purposed outfit…I need a visual…
11. wow…

Anonymous said...

i felt the need to share this email convo from this afternoon...

me: damn i was sooo late to work...i didn't get here till like 10:15..goodtimes :)

you: yea, I was here at 830...I hate this...need to leave soon

me: you should leave...pull the old knocked up some girl thing...some random girl calls from hospital in labor to let you know you're going to be a dad...we've talk about this...it should work...it's money...

you: can't I just be taking her to the hospital to get rid of her "problem?"

you are nuts! ;)

Anonymous said...

so would I be correct in assuming that if you are a girl, and wanted to be friends with a guy cause you think he is nice/cool/fun, but then you hooked up with him, you probably have ruined your chances at being friends with him, right?

Meistro said...

I answered the "freinds" question based on the assumption that "just freinds" mean no sexual tension at all. My own beliefs are that people who have dated can be friends (I'm still friends w/almost everyone I've ever dated). But I'm not going to say that I'm "just freinds" with then under the definition that "just freinds" means no attraction at all. That attraction, prob doesn't go 100% away, and though both party's are very sure they will never act on that attraction, its still there. However, you can have an amazing freindship that way. I don't think that made any sense