Friday, January 27, 2006


Do you believe you had a prior life?

Do you understand how selfish that is? When someone says they “know” they are an old soul, all I can think is “conceited much?”Think about it this way: In 1850, there were 1B people in the world. So, someone who was born in 1850, lived 60 years and was reborn in 1910, lived 74 years and was reborn as you in 1984. In 1984, when you were born, there were over 5B. So, in order to believe that you were reincarnated only 2x, would be a very selfish assumption, since only 1 in 5 people alive would have been reincarnated 2x or more. In 1910, there were 1.75B people in the world. So that means that 3 of 5 people born in the 1980’s, are new souls...having never been reincarnated. If you thought you were around in Egyptian times (as someone I know has told me), and you consider that there were around 100M people in the world at year zero, then its clear how selfish someone who says that is…Thinking they are 1 of 60 people who's souls was around back then.
(Back Up Documentation)

CJ asks - How old are you? How old to you feel? Hope you had fun at McAlear's! Happy Birthday!

I did and thanks. I’m 26, I’m feeling old, slow, fat, and a little anxious. I’m starting to think that I need to start my life before I find my other half, instead of the other way around (as my sisters / parents) have done. I’ve spent so much time and energy on other people; I have not spent enough on myself. I think maybe I should get off my butt, do something worth while, and then maybe I’ll find someone along the way, it’s a big world.

Why do Kellogs Corn Pops come in a silvery metalic bag instead of a normal see through plastic/wax paper bag like all other cereal?

I have absolutely no idea. Its one of those mysteries in the world that I just love hearing the answer to, kinda like the 24 second shot, which Christine and I were discussing the origins of. She subsequently sent me “Biasone chose the unusual number of 24 seconds by figuring that the average number of shots two teams would take during a game was 120. He divided that number into 48 minutes or 2,880 seconds, the length of a game, and ended up with the magical number of 24.”
(Back Up Info)

Why can't you have your cake and eat it too? Who wants cake if they can't eat it? And how can you eat it w/o having it?

I have my cake and eat it all the time. Sometimes with ice cream, sometimes with chocolate sauce and sometimes with sugar lightly sprinkled. As for the saying, its more of a negotiating tool and a bad one at that. I want 2 things, you want 2 things, so we split the difference. I don’t believe in the saying for a second. If I can effectively argue for both things, I’m going to do it.

How do you get over someone you loved who no longer loves you? I've tried a rebound relationship, therapy, heavy drinking, and plain old giving it time. None are working. Its been over 6 months. Help, Ask Ben! Difficulty: I work with this person and his new girlfriend is ALSO a coworker so I see them both every day. Quitting is not an option and neither are going anywhere, either.

First of all…What were you thinking being serious w/a coworker. Your story is like the text book reason why don’t date co workers ot better yet, it would be a great Melrose Place episode. Nothing wrong with screwing a coworker on the side, but getting serious is not a good idea. It’ll totally mess with you mentally if you ever brake up.

I’m a huge fan of the clean break and the N/2 rule. That means A) You don’t stay friends with them and avoid all contact with them (you can’t do that) B) it will take you at least N/2 to be able to like someone again (N being the time period you dated). I break both rules all the time, I usually stay friends and usually see them…but I usually never liked them that much to begin with so its them who are actually breaking the rules. Getting over someone? That’s a totally different column, which I’ll start now…

Getting over someone is not possible. I don’t think you ever get over someone who’s emotionally affected you, whether it was sexual or not. You may stop thinking about them all the time, and you may be able to love again, but that does not mean you are "over" the person. That does not mean that if you bumped into that person 5 years from now, your heart and theirs, wouldn’t jump.

Many of us have had people like that in your lives, some of us are lucky or better off b/c of a situation like that, but none of us are “over” that person. I think I have 3 people (1 guy who’d I’d still rage after and would like to kill if I saw), who if I bumped into them on the street I wouldn’t know how to act and would get all flustered. I think a good analogy might be comparing it to losing a close relative. After time, you may not think about them as much, but when you do, your mood shifts to the way it was the last time you were with them or thought about them.

To summarize, basically you are screwed. The fact that he’s now with someone else at work is totally killing you, regardless if you dumped him or he dumped you. Right now, he’s happy = you’re not = you can see them every day. Did she know about you two beforehand b/c that’s screwed up on her part, too, and both should know better. There’s a courtesy issue at play here to. You don’t date 2 people who know each other.

My best suggestion, besides leaving your job, or doing to them what Anne Couler suggested we do to liberal supreme court judges today (poison them) is to have fun with it. You’re much smarter than whoever these people are (you’re much smarter than 99% of people). Use it. Mess w/them. Send him/her flowers from someone else. Put “no employee sex in the bathroom (and yes that includes you Joe and Kim)” signs inside some of the stalls (assuming their names are Joe and Kim). Make their lives miserable. I’d never do any of that, but for you, I think revenge is quite a viable option.

What is the best way to deal with neighbors who are un-neighborly? They're not loud or obnoxious, but they are unfriendly to me even when I say "Good morning" when I see them. I want to be a good neighbor; what do I do?

I don’t really understand the problem unless you want to be friends with them. If your neighbors are being abnormally unfriendly, there’s probably something wrong with them. There are 3 solutions. A) have a party and invite them. If they don’t come B) have a loud party and don’t and piss them off or C) (I hate to repeat my old advice), but have fun w/them and mess with them. Write them a letter from your landlord saying their rent is going to double. I know you’ve seen the Truman Show (I think you saw it w/me) so every time you see them, be overly friendly. “Good morning, and if I don’t see you, good afternoon, good evening and good night.” Let me know how it goes.

Do you have any methods to tell whether someone is having a boy or girl? Also, are you available to baby sit, say in August?

Baby gender comes down to one thing, Karma. It’s quite a simple formula where you take and in depth look at the father, and judge whether he deserves a boy or not (This theory only works under the assumption that most men want boys, esp. first and if they don’t want boys, what kind of man did you marry / have unprotected sex w?).

4 major categories:

#1 - Girls who hate him in this life? This is pretty self explanatory, count up the number of girls who he’s “dicked” over (including the expecting mother) who are thinking to themselves right now “Man, I really hope that guy has a girl, he deserves it”

#2 - Girls who hate him in his last life? This might be the hardest category to judge. Base it on how cute and smart he is. If he’s an idiot and ugly, Karma is still punishing him for being a jerk in his last life. Just take a guess based on degree of ugly and stupidity.

#3 - How many sisters does he have? If he’s had sisters, he’s probably A) been tortured enough B) knows how bad girls are and thus would avoid #1 at all costs and C) his dad obviously had bad Karma, and probably suffered enough for the rest of the family.

#4 - Did his dad treat his sister like she was a boy, or like he wished she was a boy (or if no sister, did his dad treat his wife like she was one of the guys)?

Add these up like so, #1 + #2 - #3 +/- 3 (plus for yes, minus for no). If these add up to 10, you’re getting a girl. Too much negative Karma, sorry. In your case, I’m thinking it’s about 23. Can I name her?

Answer to the 2nd question. No, I don’t do newborns. Call me next August.

To submit questions,

TILATW (Things I Lied About This Week):

I told someone I was from Marietta, Georgia, which is near Atlanta and I went to AA for temple (it’s a temple down there).

I told someone that I was all dressed up b/c the MTA had a union meeting tonight and I had to speak. I’m a star, since I became conductor after only 3 years when usually it takes 7 so many of the older union guys listen to what I say. I told that someone that if we didn’t get our new contract, I’d probably get fired, wouldn’t be able to afford my apartment and would have go back to my old strip mining job in Western Kentucky

I told someone I was 29

I told someone that I walked up to Paris Hilton on the curb of a Vegas hotel last year and asked her if she needed a ride. When she politely responded that her driver was coming, I politely told her that “I wasn’t talking about that kinda ride.” I then told that person that Paris has a very good “nasty look.”

I told someone that I walked up to George Clooney and said “Hey George, I loved you in The Harvest as a lip-syncing transvestite” and that George Clooney has a very good “nasty look.” I also told this person that I’m starting a website that will have each actor and their most obscure / awkward / embarrassing part they ever played so you could walk up to them when you see them and say the same line.

This one is Pretty Good


Anonymous said...

Actually, whether you are having a boy or a girl is purely dependent on whether the egg was fertilized with a sperm carrying the X chromosomes or the Y chromosome passed down from the father.
But if you want to go with Karma, you go right ahead

Meistro said...

Same thing...its the Dad's fault. What do you think causes one sperm to win or lose, karma...

Steiny17 said...

(1) Corn Pops and Smacks apparently are the only "puffed grain" cereals Kellogg's makes. (Post also has Super Golden Crisp, which is a cheap Smacks ripoff.) So, they're fundamentally different from the other cereal types, which typically are ground grains.

(2) This difference means that the cereal itself is unflavored (most cereals start as a pasty mix which is then turned into whatever shape cereal is desired), and also a bit prone to drying out, and therefore it must be sugar-glazed.

(3) Sugar glazing is hygroscopic (absorbs water), and if these cereals absorb water vapor, they stick together. You can do this experiment yourself by leaving one of these cereals open in an even slightly humid place.

(4) Evidently, the folks at Kellogg's decided that these cereals got stale too quickly inside the normal bags, suggesting that water vapor can penetrate them. Therefore, they developed the foil-lined bags (which would indeed be impermeable) and solved the problems that way.