Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Random Funniness

I've discovered that if you wish for ETERNAL MISERY when wishing at the bottom of those random chain letters, you don't have to send them along b/c if, like most chain letters say, the opposite will happen, that would be what you wanted in the first place.

This could be the funniest and saddest thing I've seen. A grown man crying about professional wrestling and the impact its had on his life as a fan

This is a phenomenal SNL skit

Sign up to have Nike athletes Maria Sharapova, Amare Stoudemire, or Alex Rodriguez (among others) give your friends untimely wake-up calls (and if you don't think I just got a call from A-Rod verifying that it works, you're nuts). I foresee this ending badly.

The REAL RULES ..... Real men know the rules...or do they? We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is a vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Hockey, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.


Jana said...

Maria called me at 5am on Tuesday morning. (Thanks Jeff!)
The number on my caller ID showed up as 999-999-9999. I didn't answer it. I guess I missed out.

Anonymous said...

I love the list.
The only one that I can't suuport is DIRECTIONS. Doesn't it just make more sense to know where you are going?!
The rest of them I can live by.


Anonymous said...

The list looks like the ones on
but there are some subtle differences...

Meistro said...

I didn't make those rules I understand if you've seen them in an email somewhere.