Monday, June 26, 2006

Passing Week

While out with my boys in Vegas, I realized that some of my boys are clueless when it comes to acceptable dressing, even more clueless than myself. Using advanced reasoning, I deduced that the guys who'd been with their significant girls for a while are stuck in the fashion period in which they met that girl. Dan's been with his girl for almost 7 years I think. Thus, he still dresses like a freshman in college, and when I mentioned to him that pleated pants went out of style with MC Hammer, he was quite surprised. Josh, having been with Tali since senior year, or 5 years, was sure I wasn't going to get into a club in jeans. Sandman (who only brought jeans) had to sit Josh down and explain to him something to the effect of "Jeans are the new black pants." Don't even get me started on the 23 year old who'd been married since he was 20...hopeless...and that's saying something coming from me. Sandman seems to be the exception to the rule, having been with his girl since HIGH SCHOOL! His exception is that A) he's still not engaged/married and B) She's in fashion, and wouldn't let him out of the house w/o knowing what he was doing.

I'm not sure if the Taxi map writers are realizing this, but Murray Hill is moving south. It's getting very close to encroaching on 23rd street. Tonic, a new, crazy, overdone, MH bar just opened up on the south side of 29th street. I can't imagine any girl going in there after 11pm, the place was 3 stories, totally sweaty and totally mobbed with people I don't think I'd like. (puke) That, combined with Vertigo on 26th, has pushed the limits a little to much for my liking. I'm not sure what I can do about preserving the Kips Bay buffer zone I used to enjoy between Gramercy and MH, but I need to research.

Similar to my favorite lunch spots getting shut down, my favorite websites are being blocked at work. The superficial, any blog, any email service, all gone. As I find new interesting sites to read, I'm worried that if I click their links too much, IT will find out and take them away. Sometimes it feels like the IT dept has a personal vendetta against me. Anyway, Blogmaverick has become one of my new favorite sites, I hope its still there in the morning.

Its quite ironic how topical the sports guy can be sometimes. His quote from Friday was dead on. "By Game 6, Avery Johnson looked tighter than a married guy in Vegas who
was afraid to get a lap dance at someone else's bachelor party" Yea, we had one of those guys in our group.

I was a hot date at a wedding last night. I don't really like dancing, or don't feel comfortable doing it, or maybe I feel comfortable and don't care what others think, but I know I look like an idiot. That said, it was a wedding, and at a wedding, (as I phrased it 5-7x Sat night) you gotta take one for the team. If nobody dances at a wedding, its going to suck, and I won't let that happen on my watch. Luckily, my date had the same thoughts, and we danced most of the night.
There may be a reason why parve sounds just like barf when there is loud music playing in the background. Yea, I was not impressed with the non dairy deserts. Obviously, that didn't stop me from eating/trying all of them at 2:15 am when desert was served...yea, you read that correctly, 2:15 AM! (Dinner was served at 1:04am)

Prior to this wedding, I spent about 3 hours fixing my Tuxedo. I was smart enough to buy a tux almost 2 years ago, knowing I'd have plenty of weddings to go to over the next 5 years. I found a bargain basement tux store, many of you remember the story of the tailor setting me up with his daughter, and walked out with an adjustable waist tux, just incase I kept growing as fast as I'd been growing around the belly. Well...after 2 years, the elastics were frayed and not working, I'd yet to grow, and so I decided to transform my adjustable tux into a fitted one. Quite a few people thought this was a feminine act. I'm here to describe why you are wrong. (aka, why this isn't knitting, or anything of the sort). It was a project, it was hands on, and it was problem solving. I was constructing, building, attaching, improvising and making executive decisions and thus, I was proud of my accomplishments. As circumstance would dictate, it only took me 4 hours to get barf like non dairy ice cream all over it.

The wedding was a blast though; I guess I do enjoy dancing...though having my college roommate there did help make the party a bit more fun. I need to hang w/him more.

West coast people just love bragging that they are 5 years ahead of the east coast. I don't get it. They profess to get all of the trends first, and have all of the luxuries before we do. However, I'll never hear an east coaster say this, even after visiting LA or SF. To me, it sounds like an inferiority complex. And lets see how great they are when our President ships half of CA's inhabitants back to Mexico. If they're so far ahead, how come their bagels still stink. We had Hot & Crusty everything bagels on the table Saturday morning and my cousin insisted on toasting her bagel. I told her that when bagels sucked on the east coast 80 years ago, or were stale, toasting was acceptable but that toasting a hot, fresh bagel is not proper form and anyone who's 5 years ahead should know that.

From now on, anytime someone says that the west coast is 5 years ahead, I'm going to pretend that person is from the future. I can imagine our exchanges will go something like this.

CA Person: "That shirt is hella-cool!"
Ben: "That shirt is what kind of cool?"
CA Person: "Hella cool."
Ben: "Well that's hella-annoying."
CA Person: "We all talk like that in cali now, the east coast is 5 years behind, so you'll get it soon."
Ben: "We're 5 years behind? Ok, so who's the President in Cali now? Do you know who won the next election already? Do the Mets win the World Series in the next 5 years? Come on future boy, you're 5 years ahead, help a guy out with some stock picks, it's only 2006 here on the east coast, tell me what happens in 2009, don't you know this stuff?"
CA Person: "You're hella-annoying, too."
Ben: "Go fuck yourself."


The worst 30 seconds of my day take place in my elevator. Its unairconditioned and sweltering when its 70 outside. Whatever shirt / pants I'm wearing, they are stuck to my arms / legs when I exit. If only I were wearing pleates!

Today was my grandma's 90th birthday party. Many of you have met her, some of you have listened to her (Click here to listen to a new one), and most of you have heard about her. She's more amazing than I can hope to be, and she's got more friends at 90 than I have or ever will have. Its pretty remarkable. As has been the tradition for the last 15 years, her 10 grandchildren (now 16 with 2 marriages and 4 great grandchildren) wrote a song for her. Here's what we wrote, to the tune of YMCA (Don't ask me to sing):

Grandma, born in 1916,
She’s got three kids, Stephen, Susie, Sherry,
And 10 grandkids, 4 great grandchildren too,
We all came-to-part-ty with you.

Grandma, you’ve accomplished so much,
It’s impressive; you’re really something to watch,
Mentor teacher, and you’ve traveled the globe,
And we love com-ing to the club.

(BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM)

(It’s time for us to say…..)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, (we’re here to celebrate)
IT’S YOUR SPECIAL DAY,
YOU ARE 90 YEARS OLD; YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE TOLD,
YOU’RE THE BEST GRANDMA IN THE WORLD.

Stephen, he’s the oldest son,
He and Elaine, they produced four great sons,
They’re accountants, lawyers, and businessmen,
Jake, Josh, Ja-son, and Jon-a-than,

Michelle, joined with Jake and had three,
They are Sophie, Olivia and Chloe,
Jon and Jason, they must like to study
And then Josh lives by the be-each,

(BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM)

(CHORUS)

Susan, she’s the next of the three,
She’s got three kids, and she has an MD,
Jenny, Sperry, and Steh-ephanie,
They all live-in-sun-ny- Cali

Jenny, going towards MBA,
And, Steffie, she’s into Real Estate,
And Sperry, soccer superstar,
Susan could not ask for mo-ore.

(BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM)

(CHORUS)

Sherry, really needed an A,
She met Doron, who was her TA,
They have three kids, and got married one May,
Now she saves lives and loves New York,

Elana, married Ariel,
Had Atara, who is super and swell,
Our big sports fan, is our CFA Ben,
Dan’s engaged and works in fashion.

(BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM)

(CHORUS)

Grandma, is amazing at bridge,
Plays piano, always keeps a full fridge,
In our family, Grandma runs the show,
She’s the reason we are here now.

Grandma, happy birthday to you,
We all love you; everyone in this crew,
Our performance, is to show you we care,
And that we will always be there.

(BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM)

(CHORUS)

I wrote about 3 of the above stanza's. Unfortunately, much of the juicy, dirty topics I wanted to talk about got vetoed and edited out. For instance, the "Ben" line went something like "And Ben's, got no one, oh well." Slightly depressing, kinda silly, kinda insulting, but true, oh well. As depressing as it may be that my siblings are happily on their way to fulfilling "stage 3 and 4," I continue sit in virtual limbo in "stage 2. " At least I can take comfort that in 5 years, I'll still know what to wear out to clubs in Vegas, while I happily gloat to my brother in laws and my friends saying "you guys are dressed like you're 5 years behind." I just hope they don't start asking me about the future.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

what defines stages 2 3 and 4?

Meistro said...

That's an askbens question.

Anonymous said...

Can you ask him for me? I hear that you hang out with him sometimes.

Christine said...

For the record I have tried to buy other pants for Dan but he refuses to wear them unless they have pleats. He let's me wear sweats, so I let him wear pleats. Plus since he is so skinny, the pleats help to add some weight to him.