Thursday, August 24, 2006

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

Book Report - I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell - Tucker Max

I flew through this book in 6 days while crying from hysterically laughing through each of the short stories inside. Tucker Max writes little stories about his life as a drunk, puking, womanizing smart ass and it's truly entertaining. I'm not sure if the stories are true, or elaborated, because he is so witty with his insulting of rednecks or how to get the fat girl he just slept with to get out of his apartment before his roommates see her that they must have been embellished when writing. That doesn't take away from the simple situations he gets himself into that, when you picture them in your head, are cry on the subway, at the beach, while walking, and on the roof, funny.

As always, since I'm a terrible writer, and most of these people are not, here are some plagiarized quotes from the book:

When describing his friend -

"You know that saying, "Any club that would let me be a member, I wouldn't want to join?" SlingBlade assumed that any girl that he liked enough to want to fuck, wouldn't want to fuck him. But any girl who did want to fu ck him without first knowing him and respecting him, he automatically thought was a whore...and he refused to sleep with a girl he regarded as a whore. This absurd Catch-22 pretty much guaranteed that SlingBlade got no ass.

When he gets bored talking to stupid girls, kinda like yours truly, he tends to start lying in order to entertain himself -

"So what do you do in your free time?"
"Cut up Guatemalan hookers and bury them in shallow graves by the interstate"
"What was your family like?"
"My dad was so mean, he'd give my sisters and me ten dollars on Christmas Even, steal it back from us that night when we were sleeping, and then beat us on Christmas Day because we lost it.

Yes, this book is quite entertaining.
(FYI, in order to get a fat chick to leave your apt before your roommates find her, take her clothes, throw them out the window, and tell her that she can get them now, in the dark, or in the morning)

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

A couple things

Has anyone else noticed the absurd amount of blind people walking around the city this week? I actually saw 7 today. SEVEN. 2 of them in Times Square. I'm starting to question people's blindness. I make fun of my parents, calling them blind, because they can't read a menu without reading glasses, but now I'm starting to think I was right and they may actually be considered blind by doctors. Who are these doctors that decide when you're allowed to have a tapping stick? Everyone has them now, and they are crossing the streets and avoiding things without actually using the stick. I'm ready to start screwing with these people just to test them.

Tonight I saw the Lion King for the second time. It was quite a different experience from 8-9 years ago when I was a high schooler. The sets and actors and art were less mesmerizing than I remembered (though my friend who went for the first time was impressed), but there was plenty that I didn't remember/never would have picked up at that younger age. They did an awesome job w/my favorite song "Be Prepared" and I love how Scar and Zazoo have British accents. Great stuff. I went w/my 3rd cousins from Israel, my brother in law, and my friend Judy. Kinda strange that I originally got the extra ticket for someone else, but also kinda great that even at 26, I still make new friends.

A ton of people checked this site today. I met one person in the last 2 days and so either she sent it to all of her friends or all of you had nothing to do at work today. Here are the stats for the day, 36 unique computers went to this site. Considering I don't write everyday and most of this crap sucks when I do write...I'm surprised. I only started tracking this stuff over the last month, so maybe my readers have gone up, or down, I really have no idea.

I also posted a Youtube video that 565 people have viewed. Sorry, its a lil personal so I can't publicly post it.

The Gap, Banana, and Old Navy are going absolutely crazy with Jeans and denim products. The Gap's sales have been terrible and I don't see this helping. Now that I've got a new job, I might be done shopping at Old, I'm becoming the snob I always dreamed I'd become :).

Shore house summary and Europe trip preview tomorrow.

45 seconds in, this gets amazing. Bub Rubb - At the end, Drives right through a stop sign after almost hitting cars on the wrong side of the street

Thursday, August 17, 2006


The boring stuff -

Went to Chicago this weekend. Saw Katy, Nick, and Melissa. Nick and Melissa just moved there along with 2 other people who I didn't get to see, oh well. Def had a good time. Sat just hung out w/Melissa, walked on the beach in Lincoln Park. Went to a Seafood BBQ w/some of her friends, did some drinking, did some eating, hit some bars, went to bed really late.

Sunday I met up w/Katy. She showed me downtown Chicago and the Museum areas on the water. Refused pictures. We met Nick at a cabaret style movie theatre where they serve beer. Good times. Now all my friends have met each other. Hopefully they'll hang out and become friends with each other's friends and date each other's friends kinda like when we all moved to Hoboken after graduation. I still get a kick out of telling people how I know Katy (she's roommates with the cousin of a girl who was friends at Syracuse with a girl I play volleyball with in Hoboken).

Monday since everyone was working, I walked around downtown by myself. Hit up Michigan Avenue. Hit up the Sears tower. Got some Chicago deep dish pizza for dinner. Relaxed in the evening.

Tuesday I woke up and flew to Charlotte. Sarah picked me up and we hit up downtown for lunch. Took a nap, went to dinner, saw John Tucker Must Die and then came back to NY the next morning. Good times...just catching up and relaxing. I kinda needed that after Chicago.

Throughout this trip, my superman status was killed. I was in much pain from my mouth, still only took Advil and Tylenol Sinus, but it was pretty unbearable. Today, much better FYI.

Here are some pictures

As always, here are some things I've been thinking about.

I think I've lived within 50 miles of the WTC and the Empire State Building my whole life and have never been to the top of either, but in 3 days in Chicago, I hit the top of the Sears Tower. I think I did hit the Statue of Liberty with my 5th grade class.

I think seeing an ugly fat girl taking large bites out of a block of yellow cheese while reading Bitch magazine is one of the most unattractive things I've ever seen. I think I moved from my seat at the gate so I wouldn't have to watch.

I think I learned Chicago pretty well in the 3 days I was there, but I think that people keep asking me if I did this and saw this and I think I'm now realizing that 3 days still wasn't enough time.

I think that most people in Chicago are not from Chicago. Obviously my friends aren't, but everywhere I walked, I saw people with baseball caps. I think that's how people tell you where they are from. Whether its the Yanks, Boston, Detroit, St Louis...everyone has their teams cap on, proudly stating, "I'm not from here." Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I think somehow renting a car from Vilnius to Tallinn is going to be more expensive than flying.
I think that this trip is going to be awesome, and awesomely expensive.

I think we are going to get more of a Holocaust education than we expected. I think there were over 100,000 Jews just in the city of Vilnius prewar, now...not so many.

I think I wanted to be a volleyball booster, so I went to the RU Volleyball website and the coach is gone. Now I don't think I want to be anymore.

1 Important Ask Ben Posted...

You can't really see anything in this video, but Atara says my name right, so I'm posting it!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Meaningless Thoughts

Thinking about meaningless crapola

I think weather statistics are totally screwed up. My friends decide not to go to the beach b/c accompanying the picture of a cloud is a 30% chance of rain. I don't think people understand that a 30% chance of rain means a 70% chance it won't rain. Of that 30%, 50% of it could mean like 4 seconds of rain, so we're talking maybe 15% chance of bad rain. I think if there's a 70% chance of no rain, there should be a picture w/o clouds. I also think that they should put a % next to the % for how confident they are. Like if they are 70% confident that there is a 30% chance of rain, then what is the other 30% that it could be?

I think I've written about this before, especially with reference to when I got run over by a truck, but I don't think I feel pain the same way other people do. After getting all 4 wisdom teeth removed, I was almost perfectly fine. I went to the pool, I played w/the cousins, I was going to play volleyball but decided to go to an Israel benefit party until after midnight instead. Physically, I was fine, didn't even take my strong meds, only advil. This morning, I woke up, no pain, no advil, no side effects except for the stitches in my mouth. I think either I'm superman, and feel paid differently than everyone else or my doctor is amazing (which she is).

I think this is what I wrote as a note to my doctor in my phone right after I woke up: "Can't remember dreams. No major numbing. Feel coherent. Motor skills slowed. Heart rate back normal. Mouth Packed prob look like idiot. Thank you."

Then I wrote "I hate lip gloss and vaseline" as I think she was putting that on my mouth. I really do hate that stuff but I think it may have been necessary for the amount she'd dried out my mouth.

Since I think some of you complained about the picture of my feet I put on the site, I'm going to make the picture of my teeth a link. Click here.

I think I'm going to start ordering this book for people. Its free and a fun gag gift. Good times.

I think I've started eating pizza, egg and cheese sandwiches and hamburgers with a fork and knife. I feel like such a princess doing it but I don't think I care to get dirty.

Is Kentucky a Midwest state? I think it sounds southern, but it looks like a tweener on the map.

I think I have 319 names in my cell phone right now. I missed the PATH home last week and in my 30 min of boredom, I decided to count. I think I would probably be comfortable calling around 300 of them, so I assume that its ok to have them. What wrong with making your cell phone your address book?

I still don't understand how the President and his "morality" can justify their actions on higher moral grounds. I don't think allowing for torture is high moral ground. I don't think its moral to sign a torture bill and then write a signing statement saying you will ignore the bill for national security reasons. I don't think that terrorizing terrorists and creating more terrorists is high morality and I don't think the moral majority have any moral ground at all. I still don't think that you can justify killing 50,000 civilians in a war where we lose 2,000 soldiers in order to make this country safer and more prosperous while you won't support the science of stem cells in order to reach those same goals. I think that moral stance is total hypocrisy. You can't say that a soldiers life and a civilians life is less valuable than stem cell.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Letter to Me

Dear Ben,

I quit my job on Thursday. It was a great job, I enjoyed being at work, I didn't work that much, they paid me really well, gave me great benefits but there was something missing. That missing piece will hopefully be fulfilled by a new job I'm starting next month. This new opportunity is exciting. Its a new company being formed by my former boss, the one who led my group until 2 weeks after I started at my former company and the one who built that business from nothing. The difference for me is the upward mobility; I'll have more responsibility, will make more decisions and will learn so much more. In 3 years at this new job, if it works out, I'll be further along career wise than 5 years at my current place. The top heavy structure at a big firm doesn't reward you for doing well, it rewards you for leaving, and thus, I'm leaving.

This decision was very tough. I have a really nice lifestyle, and a really great work environment, and giving that up for a risky venture was a very difficult decision. However, at this time in my life I think its the proper risk to take. It would have been nice to have someone I trusted around to help me through the decision, but I'm quite confident, after spending the last few days with the new group.

Now, I've got a month off, and while I'm trying to schedule trips to Chicago, Charlotte, LA, and Arizona. This is in addition to the 10 day trip I will be taking to Sweden, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. When you have not had a month off in a while, actually, since high school, you can only imagine that I've prob got quite a few friends to go visit. I've never really been to LA or Chicago, so I'm pretty excited about both of those.

Unfortunately, my vacation will be preceded by my wisdom teeth getting taken out. I don't really need them out, but they could cause problems in the future. I figure now that I've got time, I might as well do it. I've never had knock out surgery before, and I'm kinda excited.

Anyway, that's what's new in my life, hope you are doing well


These guys are awesome!!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Book Report #3

Finished up Kite Runner this weekend. Really good book I highly recommend. It took me about a month to read the first 100 pages, but then the story really picked up and I finished the last 270 this weekend. The book starts out in pre-Taliban Afghanistan and is kinda dull...then shit goes down.

What I really liked about this book, was that it was about a character with major self esteam issues. He was even confident in his wimpyness, and justified it by saying that is just who he is. The beginning of the book did take some time, it was focused on his childhood, and his relationship with his father and freinds. It was necessary, and built the character but, for me, it was a little tough to get through. I'd say the characters are highly likable, and you feel for them, and when I put the book down, I wanted to know what happened next. I still have no idea if its a true story or just based off of one or just totally fabricated. Either way, I recommend.

Israel Letters

Here are a couple emails from my family in Israel. My aunt is the first, my 2nd cousin (maybe even 3rd) is the 2nd. I guess this is more for me to remember than for you guys to find interesting.

Hi to all,
The news is no news or great news for now. No cease fire and diplomacy at this time doesn't seem to be working.
Today Eli and I are driving up North to meet Maureen (my cousin who's in the army) and give her cartons of food (cakes, cookies, snacks, etc.) that people donated in our supermarket. Then we are going to visit Eli's uncle in Kiryat Bialik.
There are alot of people in Hefziba - Bet Alfa from the northern areas.
Dad (my grandfather) and Erna (his chica) just called and they are returning either Monday or Tuesday (from Europe) and then we shall see. I think at first they will be at Ruthie's and then with us. But I plan to see them after they arrive.
Lori (my cousin) is in Beer Sheva - one more test and Lotan (my other cousin) is in Bolivia. He called a few days ago and keeping up to date as to what is happening here.
How are you and what have you been doing?
Keep in touch and enjoy your weekend.

Hi dear friends and family,

I have given in to writing one letter to all because I am finding it hard to keep up with all the emails coming in these days. Don't misunderstand me ….I am NOT complaining, at least about that. Your mails of support mean a lot to us and I pass the word on to Mickey (her son) too.

The situation these days just seems to be getting worse and worse. Each day more injured and killed. Yesterday a 15 year old girl was killed by a rocket in her own home and her 12 year old sister was injured. In Haifa a man had a heart attack and died while running to the shelter. This morning they're reporting 6 soldiers injured in Lebanon. It's not even 9 am.

We are learning about war in a way that we never understood it before.

First I should say, Mickey is still stationed on a base nearby. He is very safe.

On the other hand, Mickey is going crazy there. After their group (I still don't have the official army names down yet… division maybe? Unit?) finished training, they were divided up. Some stayed down south. Some were sent to various bases around the country for further training for specific jobs (like Mickey) and others were sent up north. The majority went up north. Those guys are in Lebanon or on the border right now. Mickey talks to them everyday but he eats his heart out thinking about being with them during these hard times.

One of his close friends called him a couple of days ago after taking part in getting the fifth killed soldier out of the village in Lebanon that they had attacked. Mickey told me about the telephone call. He said that he thought that his friend was severely traumatized and that he surely would never be the same. He told me the conversation, screaming out the words as he said his friend did…."We were running for the tank with the body of the soldier and they were firing at us as we ran. I keep seeing it in my dreams. We climbed up onto the tank and tried to put the body into the tank but we couldn't get him in. Meanwhile we're being shot at all the time. We're trying to get him in but we can't get him in. HE WON'T GO IN AND THEY ARE FIRING AT US!! THEY ARE FIRING AT US!!"

"Now it's really close, Mom. This is a real war. Just like in the movies. Real weapons. Constant fighting." And even with these thoughts, Mickey wants to be with his friends. I know that he does not want to fight in Lebanon but in this time of distress, these guys think that the only way to get through it is together.

For the time being, Mickey and another friend from their unit are here safe. Both spend hours guarding and during their off hours, volunteer for any activity they can to feel that they are "helping the war effort". Mickey has been preparing tanks going up north. He does not complain about his work and only complains about being where he is. He says that he has no right to complain because the guys up north are the ones suffering. Meanwhile, it breaks my heart at how torn up he is and how he doesn't allow himself to feel bad or scared because he is not in mortal danger. I thank goodness for everyday that he is still stationed here and a bit guilty about knowing how bad that makes him feel.

Meanwhile, there are so many implications of war that we never think of and that are not covered by the media far away. Yes, we have fewer casualties than the Lebanese but not fewer victims.

At work the other day I got an email from a couple from Haifa who are both deaf and they had no way of hearing the alarms. They asked for our help.

Because of the economic problems in the country, municipal workers in some of the areas up north – including Naharia – have not received their salaries in 7 months! Now, if they want to go anywhere and get away, they can't afford to leave. (Reminds me of the hurricane that caught the poor of New Orleans at home because they couldn't leave.)

There are the elderly whose home nursing care workers have fled with their families leaving their elderly clients alone, without medication, food, treatment.

There was a single mother on TV yesterday with her two adult handicapped children. Both kids are in wheelchairs. She can't physically get them in and out of the shelter on her own so they never leave the shelter even when they don't have to be there. They've been in that small room for two weeks now.

There are kids who hear the sirens and the rockets landing day and night and don't understand why they have to be locked up in shelters during their summer vacation.

And all those people who have lost their income because they can't get to work and are now very concerned about how they will pay their bills. One guy, teary eyed, was on the news this morning. He has workers that he can't pay, a mortgage that he won't be able to pay, bills… What will he and the families of his workers do?

And on a bit of a brighter note, it is heartwarming beyond words to see how the country pulls together. Everyone is inviting people to stay in their homes (including Jewish families in central Israel housing Arab families), people are sending packages of toys for kids, volunteering to go entertain in the shelters (Our organization sends its mobile unit to provide kids' programs to summer camps of the evacuated and to shelters that they can reach safely. Yesterday they were in Afula.), stories of doctors who go from shelter to shelter helping the sick and elderly, food distribution to the unemployed, etc.

There have been entire weddings that have been relocated to the central area by volunteers.

Tourist and recreational services are offering free services to those from the north.

There are endless examples of how we pull together.

Am I rambling?

There are just so many thoughts and emotions involved and all we have is time to think and feel them because it occupies our days and nights.

And now, two weeks into this madness, all I want is for it to be over. So many people have suffered for what? Why don't those Arab fanatics realize that nobody could possibly benefit from all this? We may eventually have to negotiate and release a few hundred prisoners, but was it really worth it to them to kidnap those three soldiers and lose so much along the way?

I know that for the families of those killed and injured, for those who must now rebuild their homes, for the guys who will continue to dream of what they went through – on both sides, the answer is probably no.

So that is the news here…. We're okay all things considered.

Take care.

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