Friday, October 20, 2006

Girls Say the Darndest Things

So, I’ve been having quite a few random IM conversations lately, just thought I’d post some of the insanely ridiculous comments some girls have made to me. I’ve edited them for grammar and punctuation.

I’d have to wash my hair to go out in public. It’s been a few days, and that takes way too long.

I was asked to take the entire "I was just dry humped by a Jdate" quote down. As a participant in the discussion, I believe that I am a legal owner of it, however, out of respect to that person, I have removed the quote from this website, even though it was not attributable and anonymous. - Sorry to all of you who missed out on such hilarious writing.

The speech I got from the doctor, instead of getting Ambien, made me realize drinking coffee an hour before I go to bed in order to read is prob not the best way to get to sleep, and no coffee at night means I can’t read at night so now I have to read in the morning.

The dishes are not so hot, but I did clean last night! The bathroom even! That was the first time since I moved in.
----Me: that’s so gross. You're totally not a woman.
I know it’s really gross. Well, I like to think that I'm such a woman that I didn’t make that much of a mess to need to clean much more. Besides it was just the shower I have cleaned the rest of it before.

I know, I’m scared to walk home in the rain so I’m stuck on campus. I’ve been out of lens solution for 2 days and am dreading that extra two blocks to Duane Reade. I don’t have an umbrella is all. I did much better in the real world. The school world is the problem.
----ME: so you are regressing...I see
Totally. I procrastinate. I was so diligent at work

So you don’t understand why I don’t like the idea of you compiling a list of the ridiculous things I've said as your anonymous crazy friend?

Well, obviously I wasn't allowed to drink soda when I was little, and I decided that I didn't like carbonation. (In case you haven't noticed, I’ve developed very strange reasons for not liking things I’ve never tried before). So I never tried it.
Eventually, to fit in, I gave sprite a chance and got over the carbonation thing, but I only tried coke once, at a high school graduation party, and because it was the only thing left to mix rum with.
Needless to say, I spent the night vomiting, which I’ve since associated w the coke and not the rum. I feel the same way about sunny delight

I guess I am a 32D and not a 34C.
I didn't think my boobs were THAT big.
----ME: huh?
I have D's not C's
----ME: But your back got smaller, and you just realized this at work?
The lady at Nordstrom’s measured me.
I was wearing the wrong size.
That’s why my boobs fall out of my bra.
I spent 250 last night on bras and undies.
My boy is kind of expensive.
I'm done though...he's paying for the undies from here on out!

Oh, so I finally took off my band aids and one of the wounds reopened. I bled all over my room. It’s really gross.

I’m sitting in the library and there are these people next to me and I keep hearing little bits of this conversation and this guy is talking about the graphic details of this hook up he just had. Like, loudly.
What is going on here?
Why would he be talking about whether or not he thought some girl was willing to give him a blow job in a deposition?
"... oral sex..."
"... hand job..."
The prof next to me just left.
He looks disgusted.
Now he's talking about fantasies.
Something about saran wrap, ice, hand cuffs, a sex shop.
I think this is some joke.

I went to the shrink. Now I'm eating this nasty frozen meal.
It was the 2nd time I've seen her.
I am fine but it’s good to go.
We started to talk about my boundaries or lack there of sometimes I'm from a broken home.
I have plenty to talk about. It’s great.
I also go because I have ADD and she will give me drugs.
Weeeee.

My friend MB just stopped by to tell me about her hook up.
Maybe you should go to business school.
They have crazy Thursday night parties.
It’s very high school though.
She went home with this third year who is roommates with this first year in my small class, who peeked in on them in the morning.
So she's worried he's going to be a gossip and tell the first year class about it.
I would have freaked out.
I think she did a little bit.
And of course her earrings are still there.
So dramatic.

The first week at the local-ish bar where the first years were kind of congregating every night in the beginning some girl got wasted and was doing body shots w all these other first years.
Everyone still talks about it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

damn i haven't laughed that hard at work reading your blog in a long time!

and damn i'm nuts! ;)