I went to Arizona last weekend to visit my friend Amy, who I hadn’t seen since she joined my family in Puerto Rico 22 months ago. She lives out there and owns her house, like an adult.
She needed a date to her company’s holiday party and so it was a good excuse for me to leave the city b/c I haven't traveled anywhere lately. :)
Speaking of which, I have not seen my roommate on the weekend in 6 weekends. The first 2, I was away for a wedding and Puerto Rico, then he went to his sister’s wedding, then I went to TG in SF, then he went to AC for a bachelor party then it was last weekend. Crazy.
Whenever I leave New York, I tell the same joke. I look up at the night’s sky, and point to the stars and say “what are those things? We don’t have them in New York?” Works every time. It’s all in the execution.
I was talking to a few of Amy’s friends when they asked me when the bars in NY close. I really didn’t have a good answer except to ask them what NY’s nickname is. When they responded “the big apple” I had to pull “the city that never sleeps” out of them physically, and then spoke condescendingly about what that title implies. Yes, the bars in NY never do close, unless there aren’t any customers. They asked where to go on a Wednesday night to get a drink and party, and I responded with “almost anywhere.” “The clubs are open weeknights; the bars are open until they have no customers. What part of this don’t you people understand?”
Anyway, flying sux, didn’t do much in AZ besides drink, rest, and this holiday party, and I only took pictures for about 4 hours of the trip. Here they are.
Anyone want to do the whole Jew Caravan down to AC for Xmas Eve? I don’t really have a desire to hit up the various Matzo Balls.
Do you think if you puked from eating too much candy corn that it wouldn’t taste that bad? What if you ate candy corn before you went drinking, and then puked at the end of the night?
Idiot Boy Side Note:
Idiot boy’s been pretty good lately. (more info here and here) He had one mishap this week. IB opened his medicine cabinet in the bathroom to put his toothbrush inside. It opens over the sink like a door, not a sliding cabinet. Anyway, the toothbrush didn’t stay inside and was about to fall into the sink, rendering it garbage when IB reacted fast and caught it out of mid air. Unfortunately and obviously, the cabinet door was still open and the sharp, mirrored, bottom corner went right into his forearm, cutting a nice little deep gash. IB put on a band aid and went to work. At around 11 he figure he’d take the bandage off and since the gash had not stopped bleeding in 4 hours, Idiot Boy got blood all over his shirt. Not so idiotic, but nothing to be proud of.
Idiot Boy’s lack of idiotness lately might be due to the emergence of Idiot Girl. Idiot boy has found his match. Idiot Girl, similar to Idiot Boy, is really, smart, fun, silly, and yet somehow the most interesting things happen to her. I’m not going to tell IG’s stories. Ok, maybe I’ll tell a few, but she’ll def be referred to in here from now on. Somehow, as IG’s mishaps have risen over the last few months, IB’s have gone down. IB’s praying they don’t even out anytime soon. Here’s a small sampling of a random message IG wrote to IB.
"I'm more self-destructive than suicidal. Spending three days reading one study guide as a way of putting off learning the stuff I don’t actually understand. Then doing really badly and then complaining about it when I get my grades in Feb. The worst part is no one believes me because I do this all the time. How many times did I need to fail an exam to get people to believe me when I say I’m going to do badly? Obviously more than 3..."
The funniest part of the whole “IB cut his arm open in order to save his $1 toothbrush” incident was when IG was pissed at herself for not making fun of Idiot Boy the way Idiot Boy playfully calls IG out about all the little idiot girl things she does.
Things I Lied About This Week:
I told someone that I saw a homeless guy w/a sign this week that said “make fun of me for a dollar” and that it was the best dollar I ever spent. In fact, that was J's story, from back in high school, and I’m pretty sure he cursed him out until the guy cried.
I told someone I was engaged and kept referring to my fiancé
I told someone my sister tattled on me for using one of those 900 numbers when I was 10, but talking to Tanja was worth it. Yea, that never happened.
I told someone that I don’t have any numbers in my phone because I memorize all of them.
I told someone the next time I saw her mom I would appolgize for judging her. I don’t think that will happen considering I’ve never met the mom.
I told someone that porno names make the best animal names. My animals growing up were, in fact, Cookie, Oreo, Sugar, Spice and Snow…but that doesn’t make them porn star names does it?
I told someone that dinner in general, was similar to vegetables, empty calories. I followed up by saying that I’d rather just skip dinner, and drink beer every night.