Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Thinking About Lists

I think I really like lists, and therefore, I'm going to write about a list of lists that I think about.

1) I think these are things that break too easily, that you lose too easily that you shouldn’t pay more than $5 for, especially in the city:
A) Socks
B) Gloves
C) Hats
D) Scarves
E) Umbrellas
F) Sunglasses
G) Lottery tickets.

2) I think Idiot Girl didn’t realize she was a little clutzy until I pointed it out to her and she started noticing things. For her sake, and the sake of argument, and the sake of Idiot Boy being always right (except when he says that he’s always right, then inevitably, he’s wrong about everything for the next few days), here are some Idiot Girl things that Idiot Girl said or did over the last few weeks:
A) I think Idiot girl lost her gloves.
B) I think Idiot girl lost her scarf.
C) I think Idiot girl spilled coffee over her coat, and her bag.
D) I think Idiot girl spilled dressing on her bag and all over the library.
E) I think Idiot girl said “My life would be so much better with out the constitution.”
F) I think I was walking right in front of Idiot Girl, and when I turned around, she was on her hands and knees in the snow on the sidewalk.
G) I think Idiot Girl lost a second pair of gloves.
H) I think Idiot Girl said she was scared to use her phone during volleyball b/c it might get hit. (Update, Idiot Girl was scared for her life if she looked away from the court at her phone)
I) I think Idiot Girl knows where her 2nd pair of gloves are, but does not want to get them, because the jacket is still covered in coffee.
J) I think Idiot Girl wears slippers, or ballet shoes, everywhere, even in the winter.
K) I think Idiot Girl stories are funnier when I just make them up (or not)

3) I think this is my laminated list:
A) Christina
B) Jaime Lynn
C) Natalie
D) Katie
E) Cameron.

4) I think here are some non listed items, organized in a list:
A) I think Jazz is elevator music. I think it should not be in the foreground and thus should only be played in the background.
B) I think I was in a bar and some guy walking by me touched me and his friend actually called him out like “why did you just touch that guy?" I think that was refreshing. Why do people touch so unnecessarily?
C) I think this website is great. I think you can send yourself emails in the future, or send other people emails in the future, to remind you of things. I’m not sure it works.
D) I think I’m going to try to get my company to develop a nap policy based on the research done by these wonderful scientists. (CLICK HERE)
E) Though I’ve entered “life purgatoryI was thinking about “Real” purgatory (you know, an unknown period of waiting, after you die, to go to either heaven or hell, as those still alive pray for your soul, so you may go to heaven quickly), and realized it isn’t that bad. I think, if you’ve got an eternity to spend in heaven, waiting a few thousand years to get in just isn’t that much time at all. Heck, if I knew heaven actually existed, I would probably find a way to end my life earlier, rather than later, in order to start the purgatory right away. I think the point of this whole thought process, is that if real purgatory isn’t that bad, because you know something good is going to happen after its over, then maybe mine won’t be so bad either, knowing I’ll come out at 33 ready to face the world.

Friday, February 16, 2007

New Q

TX: how come you haven't written on your site lately?

They say that its takes 21 days to create a habit and only 1 day to break it. Well, it’s taken me quite a while to sit down and start writing again after getting out of the habit. Hopefully, I can keep it going for a few days and I’ll be write (sic) back in the swing of thing.

I challenge you all to this:
A) Write your own article. Pick a topic, have some fun with it, and send it to me. I’m curious what you each can do.
B) Comment in here. It strangely inspires me and gives me incentive to continue writing.

Pink: U know when a guy and a girl are out, the guy like always pays? What do like gay and lesbian couples do?

I asked a gay guy what he does and he said that gay men in NY don’t date. They meet, they hook up, they meet up again and get drinks. There’s no taking out to dinner unless you are already an item. Then, its 50/50 or whoever asked out, but by that point you are already seeing that person every night. This is only 1 gay guy’s experiences.

On the lesbian side, I’m not sure what they do. I’ve been out w/some crazy feminists, and I’ve still been able to convince them to let me pay and convince them that that payment was entrance into a contract whereby they had to hook up with me. (kidding). Yea, I’m not so good w/the feminists, but I’m pretty good with making people do things b/c they think they have to do them. Oh wow, I sidetracked. The most likely reason for this sidetrack was that I have no clue what lesbians do, or how they date. Next time I see one on the train, I’m going to ask.

If your father buys you breast implants as a Christmas present are you supposed to show them to him? Do you unwrap them in front of him?

Well, he did pay for them didn’t he? I think if he asks to see them, its only proper for you to show them. But if he does ask to see them, I think you should move out of your house and prob not speak to him for a few years.

1) Do guys actually like girls that wear tight exercise pants, uggs and tons of makeup on an everyday basis? Other than the make up it just seems lazy. Tons of men seem to complain about it, but they date these girls anyway.

2) Have you ever taken home a girl that looked hot that night but then when she took off her makeup she looked hideous? ps. Don't post who asked this question.


Yes, we complain, and yes, some of us do like them, especially for head. For some reason, the same gene that a makes someone want to grow up to be a OHD / Sorostitute, also means they give really good head, and are easily convinced into it by a cheep dinner or two and some average conversation. There’s a website I’ve been linking to for years on the right of this page and it pretty much talks about these horrible girls, yet this guy who writes the article continues to date them. Anyway, these girls suck, no one will marry them (actually, many do get married to the male version of the sorostitute, we call him Adam). The girls that get married are the ones who settle for a slightly less good looking, boring, boy w/an average job and average “list.” The girl convinces herself that he’s perfect and since he’s never been with a girl that good looking, materialistic, and stuck up, he thinks that’s everything he’s been looking for. I love seeing 2 people like that as much as I love the girl on my volleyball team who wasn’t working yet would show up to games with full face and eye makeup on. Are you serious girl? I totally called her out on it and now I’m not on that team anymore.

No, I have never taken a girl home that looked good when I went to bed, and looked bad when I woke up. That’s the “guy” excuse. Let me tell you something, we know what we’re getting into the second she walks over to us. (yes, we guys don’t approach ugly girls, only hot girls). So, she walks over, we’ve had a few drinks, had a little dry spell, and we say to ourselves, “What the hell, I’m going hoggin’ tonight. It’s about time I did some good ole fashioned charity work.” We know she’s not good looking, and for some reason, at 1am, we don’t care. The next morning, we care. All of a sudden its “I can’t believe I did that” and “she was good looking last night.” BULLSHIT. That’s just guy talk for “I’m trying to save face with my friends.” Not that his friends really care b/c they’ve all been there done that as well. The moral is, and to answer your questions with a concluding sentence. We’ve all woken up next to ugly girls regretting the previous night and wondering how we got yourself into the situation (especially when she won’t leave your apartment), but we all knew ahead of time how bad looking she was. (make-up doesn’t help). For good tips on how to get a fat, ugly chick out of your apartment before your roommates see her in the morning, read THIS BOOK.

What is real friendship? What does it mean? What makes 2 people friends?

Friendship is the realization that someone in your life is important to you and the rationalization to accept that person into your life without reservations. Ok, I just made that up, and I’m not sure it really makes sense, but bear (bare? Bair? Bayer?) with me for a minute. Friendship does not change. It stays the same forever. Relationships change; they get better, worse, closer, more distant, more competitive, more touchy, and more or less emotional. Friendship does not do that at all. Friends are always friends. You must realize that your friends have flaws, they will screw up, and that after those screw ups, you still want to be friends with them. I’ve actually had to explain this 2x recently, and it’s kind of important, and I don’t understand how people don’t already know this at 26 years old. The first was with “Harding”, who randomly disappeared about 2 years ago, without reason, and we’ve never really talked since. She is my friend though, and will always be, and so when I saw her I had to explain that what she did was not ok, but what she did was not unforgivable, and I certainly wasn’t going to be spiteful, bitter or petty, because she is my friend, and I do like her as a friend and want to continue being friends. The second situation involved girls fighting over a boy. I can’t believe both girls were/are willing to lose their best friends because the boy, 6 months after dating one, sent an email to the other. I mean, talk about priorities. I just can’t imagine that ever happening to me. I fight with my roommate weekly, he does things constantly that piss me off and I’m sure I do the same to him. He’s my friend though, and those things just aren’t that important. Now, there are times when I’m sick of him, and want to take a trip for 3 weeks get away, but that’s a relationship issue, not a friendship issue. With friendship, you must realize that you’ve accepted this person as your friend, and therefore, you must get over the small shit.

Sandy Eggo: How do you take the phrase "I'll see you next week, hopefully"

2 ways, STOP BEIGN A GIRL and GO WITH YOUR GUT. Do you think he thought about the way he was phrasing that specific sentence when he said it to you? Probably not. My guess is he had something else on his mind at the time and didn’t even think about what was coming out. Maybe he used that phrase with his mom to end a conversation with her 30 min earlier so it was fresh in his mind. So…why are you analyzing it like he planned it for a week? It just happened to be the way he typed it...if he's being cold...be worried if you see him 4x a week, its nothing. Most importantly, STOP acting like you are in middle school.

I need your advice. I've been dating this guy for about a month. He hasn't asked me out for v-day but we do have plans to go upstate this weekend with a group of people.
A) Why hasn't he asked me out for v-day or made any mention that wed is v-day?
B) I was going to make him brownies but now I'm thinking I won’t, should I?
C) Ahhh


Vday means serious...That's why I don’t' talk to girls the week beforehand...just to avoid getting talked into taking someone out. There is nothing wrong w/you suggesting renting a movie or something on Vday so that you can do vday cheep and casual (though still slightly meaningful).

RM: How do you meet girls? I have trouble.

You should try Speed Dating! I did it last week, it was soo much fun. Yes I am SSS, but when she told me she was going to spend 3 hours ogling one of the guys on her laminated list (Justin) I got permission and went with my roommate and a few other girls. The girls bailed, which I can’t say I’m upset at, and my roommate’s wanted to go forever. I got a little tipsy, he stayed sober, and we had 9, 4 minute dates. 4 minutes were not enough to know anything about anyone. I think 4 minutes are for girls to weed out the weirdo’s b/c the guy pool was probably close to the Jdate guy pool. To explain, there were plenty of not so good looking, slightly awkward guys. For the guys, we don’t really need the 4 minutes, we can tell in about 10 seconds if we want to go out w/someone. Anyway, any Joe Schmo (normal, slightly interesting, slightly good looking guy) can just clean up at these events. The girls were normal, nice, shy who wanted to try something fun, so there was plenty of good girls and bad guys to make Joe Schmo stand out and get a few good dates. In summary, $30, 9 girls, all you can drink bad white wine. I’d say totally worth it. (oh, and I went 4-4 out of the girls I picked, Jen wouldn’t tell me if I went 9 for 9).

Does the Republican stance on Iraq directly contradict their stance on welfare / affirmative action?

With AA, republicans argue that buy providing support to minorities with no timetable for ending that support; we are creating a group of people who are dependent on the system and our help because they can't help themselves. While with Iraq, republicans argue by providing support with no timetable for ending support, we are doing the opposite and inspiring the people to take their own leadership. You tell me.

Yes, that is correct. However, since the Democrats take the opposite side of both issues, they are also contradicting themselves.

As always, email askbens@yahoo.com to submit a question.