Monday, April 30, 2007

Train Karma

There’s an ancient belief that if you donate platelets, your train / subway karma improves. I know you might think this is a recent belief, but archeologists have found man Phoenician wall drawings on the subject. This theory appeared to apply to myself. Over the last 2 years, as I’ve donated platelets 20+ times, the frequency with which subways would arrive within 2 minutes of me getting to the platform would spike substantially in the few weeks after donating. The karma has gone beyond just catching trains, to timely switches, bumping into people, no annoying beggars, etc. However, for some reason, my good train karma did not appear this week after donating on Wednesday. I must fix this before the universe alters its course and the apocalypse is upon us.

Here are some things that went wrong on Friday (Amtraked it down South):
- My train in the morning to work took forever.
- In times sq, where I switch trains, the ground was flooded and the roof was dripping.
- Train down to Penn to catch Amtrak took forever. Luckily I left enough time to make the train, but that didn’t leave enough time for….
- ICE CREAM. The line was too long, and I was too late to get a milkshake for the 3 hr ride down.
- The train was sold out, so I had to scramble to find someone to sit next to (some people sat on the floor).
- I hesitated taking the seat next to a cute-ish girl and when I finally got the courage to turn around and sit next to her, some genius 45 year old had taken the seat.
- My Ipod was having major skitzo episodes, it kept freezing, and skipping to the next song after 30 seconds.
- I tried to give up my seat to someone, in order to improve my karma, but he was getting off and wouldn’t take it.
- For the last 45 minutes of the trip, there was a crying 4 year old.
- I was starving when I arrived because of the no milkshake

Things I thought about while on my first ever Amtrak ride (I like driving):

I think that was my first time in Trenton (even if only in the train station), since a 5th grade class trip I likely took to the state capital w/my mom as a class chaperone.

I think the dining car was like a frat party and some HS kids on line were getting harassed by an after work crowd that was slowly and expensively getting progressively more drunk, obnoxious, and aggressive. I know exactly why I’m not nor was ever in a frat.

I think I hate when old women dress fashionably . I get excited when I see them from behind or on the train or walking in front of me, but when I inevitably walk around to see how cut they are, I am utterly disappointed and almost outwardly upset. I think this extends to ugly people in general.

I think J-Z big pimping would be an awesome karaoke song. How great would it be watching some awkward white Jewish boy screaming at the top of his lungs “drug um, love um, f*ck um, leave um, because I don’t f*ckin need um.

I think T-9 texting will help improve spelling for young kids across the country. I think I’m still learning how to spell words properly because of it. Though I really hate when a normal word isn’t in T-9, or maybe my spelling isn’t close. Then I’m forced to guess using the normal ABC setting, and just spelling it phonetically, so that the receiver can hopefully figure out what I’m saying. Kinda like the Phoenicians and their platelet karma cave drawings.

I think I should do power hour more often, especially down the shore this summer.

Finally, I think the ice cream truck next to my building is getting some business now that it’s warmer. For a while, I thought I was the only person supporting it. I felt it was necessary to support it, so that it wouldn’t go and find a new place to park.

The Craziest Road Crossing Ever (Don't Mess w/India)


Anonymous said...

fun to read. thanks.

Anonymous said...

i hate it when i see someone older wearing the same thing as me. it just feels wrong.