Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Lucky to be This Unhappy

I am the luckiest unhappy person in the world.

Sometimes, I feel unhappy with my job. The company is way behind plan because, even though our funds are doing very well, it’s very hard to raise money right now, and that’s how the firm gets paid, by assets under management. We have only 7 employees who come in daily, and thus the office is quiet, and because of the business environment, not as fun as it used to be. My personal decisions at work, which affect millions of dollars of other people’s money, have gotten more stressful, and more difficult, because it’s become much easier to lose money. Boy, am I lucky I’m not Sharyn. She lost her job in November after working her way all the way to the trading desk from a controller’s position. She was in her new position for 4 months when she lost her job. Don’t worry; she got a new one at Professor Thoms, waiting tables, so she doesn’t have to move back to NJ with her parents. I’m too lucky to be unhappy.

Sometimes, I feel unhappy about my love life. I realize that I’m alone right now, and well, that’s lonely. Being single can hurt your confidence, hurt your optimism about life, and hurt your general liking of other people. You can become bitter, and cold, and the big, overwhelming city doesn’t help that feeling at all. Dating kinda sucks a lot, and is very expensive, and isn’t that rewarding. Boy, am I lucky I’m not MSB. She’s going through a divorce after 10+ years of marriage and 3 kids. She emailed me to celebrate when the divorce is finalized, and I told her that it’s definitely an occasion to drink, but definitely not one to celebrate. I’m too lucky to be unhappy.

Sometimes, I feel anxious . My routines are just that, routines. My life isn’t moving forward, just moving sideways. Love life, career, demographic, all seem stalled for the foreseeable future. It makes me anxious. I want to find someone new, someone now, and I want to move quickly, and I don’t want to wait. I want to look for a new job just to break the routine, and I want to move into a new apartment just to break the routine. Changes like that can make you less anxious, and can reinvigorate you. But right now I’m anxious about everything, and I don’t like waiting for change, and the city can really get you down. Boy, am I lucky I’m not Pink. While Pink says she’s happy today, last week she couldn’t go to work she was so anxious. She called me hysterical because her boy was in Vegas and drinking and wasn’t answering her phone. She talked about hurting herself to end her anxiousness. She couldn’t think straight, she couldn’t get out of bed, she couldn’t do anything. That’s real anxiety. I’m too lucky to be unhappy.

Sometimes, I’m pretty unhappy with my family. Now, my family is awesome as a group, and as individuals, and I tell people I won the lottery when I was born into my family, but like all families, they can drive you nuts. Guilt trips for not calling every day when you spend 10 straight days with them in Israel or 2 days with them in DC drive you crazy. Being the only single person over 12 at a Seder of 30 can drive you crazy. Suggestions about what to do, what to order on the menu, what to buy, what to wear, can all drive you crazy if they aren’t asked for. Boy, am I lucky I’m not my FCK. I hope to never have to write a blog entry that starts “Dear brother: It’s been 6 months since we had to say goodbye to each other. It wasn’t my choice, but you didn’t leave me with much of one.” Saddest thing I ever read, he was only 17 and took his life. I’m too lucky to be unhappy.

After reading that all over, it’s pretty much telling me not to sweat the small stuff. Boy do my complaints and my unhappiness seem SILLY. Chronicling my unhappiness like this, putting things in perspective, makes me happier. I THINK I’m done complaining.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Sick Week

Sick Week:

I was pretty sick all week this week. Not run down / tired / flu sick, but coughing for no reason / stomach ache sick. The coughing was due to my asthma activating after spending a full day in outdoors in the snow in 30 degrees up in high altitude. Now, whenever I breathe hard, I wheeze. Additionally, my lungs are weak, so I cough, and thus my lungs don’t heel, creating a never ending cycle until it warms up enough, or I get meds. I’m picking up my meds today. Hopefully, sick week will be over soon, I don’t like being sick, and I rarely am.

I was totally unprepared for rain on my trip to DC this week for Passover. I fit all of my clothes for the weekend into a backpack, which meant that I wore the same thing to both Seders (Passover Dinners) and to work on Monday. That wasn’t a problem, as long as I kept everything clean (undergarments were changed obviously). The problem was that it rained all day Sunday, my day off and I was totally unprepared. I had no jeans, no coat, no sneakers, no umbrella, and no athletic socks. I’d only brought shorts, a Tie Dyed T Shirt and a sandals. I was expecting partly cloudy and 70, not raining and 70. Oops. Anyway, I ended up walking around town on Sunday looking like a fool. I couldn’t wear my sandals, I couldn’t wear my nice clothes, so I kinda put the two outfits together….I should have taken a picture. I looked pretty sick.

The Seders went well…though technically no Seder is supposed to go past midnight, and we had one that lasted till 1:27am, but still, none were that bad. Of course I just loved being the only person above 12 who was single. That just makes them soooo much more fun.

Interesting story that may give you insight into my personality:

While in Bethesda, Maryland for Passover, I had all day Sunday to walk around town, in the rain, with almost nothing to do. I got my daily ice cream craving just as it started raining really hard. (This is a daily occurrence for me, no matter the weather, today I hit the Mr. Softie truck). I turned my back on the chain ice cream shop and headed to the local outlet. Inside, I requested my not yet infamous milk shake concoction, which if you search “ice cream” in the search bar above, you’ll probably find the recipe. The 15 year olds working behind the counter happily took my order. Their friends, who were stranded inside, hiding from the rain, looked on in astonishment and jealousy, while blurting the words “that sounds amazing.” “Oh, it is!” I replied. After my drink was finished, I grabbed 3 straws, handed them to the kiddies and offered them a try. When their eyes widened after tasting it, I ordered another one, so they could split their own. Yea, it’s that good. The funniest thing about the whole experience, besides how friendly these 15 year olds were to a strange 28 year old wearing shorts, a tie dyed T-shirt, a sports coat and dress shoes and socks w/no umbrella, was the kid from the movie theatre. Half way through making my first drink, the 15 year old from the movie theatre next door comes in and says “I’ll trade you a pop corn for 2 vanilla cones.” I had no clue this stuff happened, but the 15 year old behind the counter didn’t even flinch, “make it 2 popcorns and a sprite,” “Deal!” 2 minutes later, they exchanged goods. I was laughing the whole time, and that is why you don’t go to the chain ice cream store.

I hung out w/my SS friend last week and she mentioned to me how one of the things about me she’ll always remember is when I said that Jazz music beings in elevators only. It’s funny what people remember about you.

Things I’ve been thinking:

I think my 6 month Ipod hiatus is officially over. In Denver I got new headsets, and now I’m officially back on the Juice. It was a nice break while it lasted.

I think in the last 2 weeks I either got off the bus when a handicapped person was getting on, or I just kept walking instead of getting on the bus because a handicapped person was getting on. I think it’s insensitive of me, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I definitely think I saved time. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I think blackberry messenger is just another way I can avoid ever having to call anyone. I have no problem talking to people in person, but I really don’t like the phone…at all.

I think I like my new aviators, they make me feel like a movie star, and that’s important when I’m hanging out with other famous people.

Things I lied about this week:

I told someone that I don’t drink coffee because I don’t do drugs and coffee is pretty much Speed. The truth is I don’t drink coffee because I don’t really like it, though I do believe that it is a drug and I do believe it is pretty much speed.

I told someone I was allergic to ice cubes. The truth is that would be impossible.

I told someone that tooth brushing and cleaning is a myth propagated by Dentists in order to help themselves and the tooth brush and tooth paste industry. I used facts like “I know people who brush every day and have tons of cavities while I hardly brush and have no cavities.” This was a tough argument to win, but I did get them to concede that some genetics are important in the quality of your teeth.

Lotsa Links:

I'll admit it, I text message this much, and this well.

Women can only blame themselves, and other women, for feeling too big because MEN DON'T CARE

The worset T-Shirts Ever, by CNN

Tetris the movie, If only THIS wasn't a joke.


The time lapse of the guy stuck in an elevator for 41 hours.

Scientology really screwed THIS guy up.

Who's the most unintentionally gay rapper?

High comodity costs are going to push all costs higher which are going to kill all cheep anything. There really isn't an article there, but I see inflation coming fast. Ok, here's an article on airlines trying to raise prices more.

I wouldn't be surprised if I knew 10 people at this CU event.

Is THIS where we are sending my grandmother?

If the internet broke, this is how I would feel.

I'm not comfortable with this type of family planning.

If I got stabbed, I would remember, and notice, unlike THIS guy.

Video of the Week - Unimbedded:

Cats are sooo cute

Video of the week - Embedded:
A video I took of Jesse Rubenfeld playing w/Chaz singing. Its really good.

Passover Video of the Week:

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Breckenridge / Denver

This trip to Denver was planned last minute, after I got an email from Quiznos that they were going to have a lender meeting at their headquarters in town. I jumped at the opportunity for a free flight from work, knowing I wouldn’t need lodging to go for the weekend, for free. I called Josh to make sure he’d be around and then called Sarah to see what she was doing. Sarah told me she was going to Breckenridge w/her boy and 5 others from out of town. Of course I invited myself along.

While I was supposed to take the Colorado Mountain Express up to town, the flights of the other out-of -towners were so late, that I got a ride w/Sarah and everyone else. We got up to the mountains at 1am (3am east coast time) and proceeded to do Jager shots and stay up till 3. This action pretty much sums up the weekend portion of the trip.

Saturday we woke at 8, hit the cheep donut shop / breakfast place, and headed to A-Basin for the end of the ski season party. I knew there was going to be a party, but when I packed, I had no idea it was an outside, tailgate, 80’s costume party. Let’s just say I was utterly underdressed for the event. Winds blew snow off the mountain all day long as season pass skiers, drank, danced, and BBQ’ed the day away. I had to borrow sunglasses just to see, and while most of my group skied for part of the day, I stayed at the base and drank, and hung w/these costumed revelers. It was interesting how many people who were born in, or lived in NY/NJ I met. I was surprised to say the least. You should def check the pictures.

Around noon, a megaphone announced that a 2:45, a couple, dressed in classy 80’s garb was going to get married down by the stage where the band was. Yes, this was their wedding, and this was there reception. Like I said, you should definitely check the pictures. Here’s a little video from the wedding reception.

After the wedding / reception, came the Chinese Downhill, and DRUNKIN ILLEGAL FIREWORKS PARTY. Always a good time. The Chinese Downhill consisted of about 50 drunk people hiking up the hill about 100 feet in elevation (500 feet away) and racing down the hill right toward the party. The purpose, to grab a $15, 3 foot tall Barbie doll. Apparently, you get to keep this Barbie, if you win, until next year’s end of the season party. Like I said, you should check the pictures.

The evening was spent listening to the whole second floor shake like the house was going to fall down, hitting the hot tub, watching Walk Hard (good first hour, average 2nd), ordering expensive Thai, playing the slowest and most serious game of Connect 4 I can imagine. Check the pictures for a really serious one of Dan staring down the Connect 4 board.

We also played “HIDE BEN’S CAMERA,” which consisted of me flipping out for an hour when I couldn’t find my camera, scraping my arms trying to reach into the bowls of the couch, thinking that was the only place I thought it could have been. The game culminated when I woke up from a lil nap, got a drink of water, and saw the camera on the floor right where I was napping. I’m still not sure who won the game, but I don’t think it was me. For some reason, I think Stacie and / or Jeff were highly involved.

Sunday morning I woke up bright and early, on 5 hours of sleep again, and hopped the CME back to Denver Intl Airport. I was planning on paying off the driver to take me to Josh’s directly, but considering there were 11 people in the car, Frank wasn’t a taker. He was, however, a talker, and peppered the passengers with Summit county trivia with prizes and fun facts. I had to delay my planned phone calls until the afternoon.

Josh and I spent the day doing our normal routine. Playing poker, watching golf, drinking a little, and arguing. He surprised me with tkts to the Nuggets / Rockets game and then surprised Natalia and friend with tkts as well. We got a ride there, drank a lot, took the train back, and enjoyed ourselves tremendously.

I woke up Monday and edited my tax return online, doubling what I was supposed to owe. Awesome. I relaxed in the morning, talked to the company I want to put into bankruptcy , and took the train downtown for my meeting with Quiznos management. The actual purpose of my trip.

Nothing else interesting to report except that on my flight home I had my own row, and the pilot did not make any excuses because we took off on – time, which means we got in really early. I had the option of a 7:30 flight that got in at 1am or taking a red eye. Considering the red eye is only 3.5 hours long, I figured I could get 5 hours of sleep as long as I get home by 2am. So I’m actually hoping for 5 hours of sleep for the 3rd out of 4 nights. Of course I missed the last bus at 1am, and had to take a $70 cab. Wow, that’s a boring paragraph. I apologize to anyone who subjected themselves to that. Now, onto the more interesting stuff.

Things I lied about this week:

I told someone I was a writer. In actuality, I’m not.

I told someone I was a teacher. In actuality, I’m not that either.

I told someone I didn’t drink Britta water because I thought they put addictive chemicals in it to get you hooked. In actuality, I have Britta water before I got to bed every night. However, I still kinda believe the addictive part.

I told someone that this girl was my child. In actuality, she is my niece.

I told my readers that I told someone I was a teacher. In actuality, I never told anyone that this weekend, I told someone I sometimes pretend to be a teacher.

I told a stranger I was scared of fireworks, especially illegal ones, and that’s why I was walking away from the party. In actuality, I was freezing my but off. Surprisingly and unfortunately, my fake fear was justified when a cracker went off near Sarah’s ear and she lost her hearing for a while (I’m sure it’ll be back soon).

I told someone I had sex for the first time 12 days earlier. In actuality, I did not.

I told someone I’d chill. In actuality, I’ll try.

I told someone they looked good when they didn’t. In actuality, they looked pretty average, though kinda sexy.

I told someone I’d search for an 8th person for our volleyball team. In actuality, I’d rather if we just had 7, more playing time for us.

I told someone I’d def hang out w/them this week. In actuality, my week is pretty full, and I like having at least one night to myself, and she is not in the top 5 on my list.

Stat of the Week that May Only Interest Me:

The first gold rush was in 1843 in Georgia, Colorado’s wasn’t for another 15+ years. They have taken 1,000,000 ounces of gold out of them there hills.

Twelve Things I Think I think:

I think I told a bartender at Joshua Tree to put on the Rutgers WOMEN’s elite-8 basketball game, vs UConn. I will never watch the WNBA, but at least amateurs playing for a national championship play w/heart and passion.

I think the Denver nuggets are the most ghetto team I’ve ever seen. I think they lead the league in tattoos and bad vocation…not that I can talk.

I think I felt like I was IN THE KNOW, being at A-Basin on the “last” day of the season (they ski here till July). The party was def all people who come every weekend and huge groups of skiing buddy friends. I was such an outsider.

I think the funniest thing I saw all weekend was this group of 75 year old men and women doing the Superman Dance at the Nuggets game. Don’t even ask what that song is about, but it’s not appropriate for this forum. Video below.

I think I owe way too much money in taxes and I don’t think I will be doing my own again. I think I may take H&R up on their free offer next year to review the previous year’s taxes too.

I think Square hung out w/AC Slater Saturday night because he is dating her 21 year old roommate. I’m sure he’s such a nice guy…but I say that knowing I don’t like guys…hopefully, she’ll invite me along next time!

I think I may need to revise my stand on FLOWERS. For years I’ve been objecting to giving people flowers. I don’t see the point of buying something pretty so someone can slowly watch it die. I’d rather the flowers weren’t plucked from the ground. I think I’ve given flowers to many people for various reasons: When I screwed up, When I was away, When it was time for a Hanukkah gift, or When it was accepted protocol. But, I think I hardly ever surprised anyone with flowers. I think I may want to revise the surprise flowers decision. I think, especially because most girls know my stand on flowers, it will be extra special if I do kill a flower so people can watch it die slowly.

I think I have developed the proper standard answer for anyone who asks me for investing advice, or asks what I’m doing with my money. Answer: I have no idea, I have way too much money sitting in cash right now.

I think I have yet to develop the proper response to people who ask what I do for a living. I think the “finance crap” answer isn’t holding up very well….and I talk about work enough at work, so I don’t really want to actually describe what I do. I think suggestions, preferably ones that don’t have me lying, are welcomed.

I think empirical evidence continues to support THIS ARTICLE (Airline / Pilots always lie to you). We were the 30th plane on line behind big jets and they told us 45 min before we took off. HA, more like 1.5 hours. I think the best thing to do is always assume the worst, and expect that you’ll be landing late, very late.

I think it might be time to broach the IG subject.

I think it amazing how long I’ve known Natalia, Josh’s wife. I think we’re going on 7 years now. I think she mentioned, when I realized that I’d forgotten my razor and needed to borrow Josh’s to shave for my meeting, that she remembered when I barely had to shave once a week. Yea, that sounds about right.

Enjoyable / Aggravating travel note of the Week:

I took the receipt from the $60 cab from the airport to Josh’s. He actually saw it. We currently have no clue where it is. Luckily, or smartly, I asked the cab back to the airport for 2 receipts, so I can get reimbursed properly, or improperly, depending on how you want to view it.

Links of the Last Few Weeks:

After around 30 thoughtful, concise, and topical emails I've sent in, Peter King picked THIS ONE to comment on?

How come when the Washington Post does an "IMPROV EVERYWHERE" skit, they win a Pulitzer...for THIS ARTICLE.

The History of Common Sayings

The first line of THIS ARTICLE on a Penn Stater is awesome.

This Website is extremely disturbing, especially when you put in your own address.

This Woman got a heart transplant and started eating fried chicken and beer.

Coffee made from Poop

Spitzer's wife knew all along, I knew it. Thus, he wasn't really apologizing to anyone.

Video of the Week:

This is by far the video of the week, but I don't know how to imbed it properly, so CLICK THE LINK