Friday, October 31, 2008

Dating Friends

This is why we don't date our friends, unless we are 100% sure.

A friend and I tried dating this summer and a few weeks ago came to realization that things weren't going to work out...lets just say that he dumped me??? Yeah, exactly. I tried to think that it was based on maturity..I am 16 months older than him...but I couldn't understand why? I probably was the best thing going for him...a PRIZE! (My roommate "Hurricane" is writing this!) so after two weeks of not speaking this is the email i recieved, please don't judge the situation at hand, but I was curious to hear a male's stand point on the situation, I can take it..............
ps.... I have 24 hours to respond. HELP!


"hey "R". i thought about titling this email with typical spam mail content, you know "free viagra, is your penis big enough" type shit. i figured it would get a laugh and kind of lighten the tone of this whole thing, sort of hit the ground running. unfortunately i did a practice test, being the nerd that i am, and found that it just marks it as spam when the words penis, bigger, and cialis are all in the title......so unfortunately i had to go back to my default email heading. rather then just going on and on im just going to get into this thing as i dont want to waste any more time trying to be clever.

im not happy with the way things are. ive always been honest with you, as youve been with me, so i think its only fair to be honest, even if it hurts sometimes. i know you're unhappy with me and you probably dont want to deal w me, but i think you should at least know where im at. you, and by association "Hurricane" too, are clearly not pleased with me as made evident by last week's pizza, what i like to call, "one plain slice and one slice with extra awkward". that day i had contacted "Hurricane" just to say what up, had nothing to do with you, and she clearly was not happy with me from her response. on saturday, "Firt" and i were at the same party and she clearly wasnt happy with me, so we had a little talk and hopefully things are cool with us....whatever, i dont really care that much. these things do not concern me nearly as much as how you feel, but unfortunately the vibe that im getting from the two of them does not really represent the way i thought you and i left things off. i know that by nature you are much more relaxed and easy going then they are, but i really hope you werent faking your emotions with me. i assumed that you were at the time\and maybe still are upset or dissapointed with me, which is completely fine......believe me, im upset and dissapointed in myself. BUT there is a big difference from being upset with someone and being angry at someone. im hoping its not the latter, because i dont think that is fair.......and if it is that you're willing to talk to me about it.

you are someone that is very important to me. you know me better then most people and for good reasons too. you know that in my life there is constantly a crazy mixture of friends, haters, family, disasters, hookups, people who just want to be in my world etc. unfortunately, and ive told you this before, there are very few people in my world that i really give a shit about. you are one of them. i think that you are an amazing person in every sense of the word, and this is not something that i would say even about most of my closest friends. you're interesting, funny, entertaining, honest, attractive and somebody that overall i love to spend time with. if i have not made this clear to you in the past or my actions have dictated that i feel otherwise, im truly sorry. but please understand my feelings about you and know that me not wanting to date\hook up\be romantically involved has nothing to do with you or anything you did. i really hope that you're not in any way getting down on yourself about this whole thing, again. it is not at all your fault, it is 110 percent my fault.

i dont know what the fuck i want romantically in my life. the closer i get to someone, the more i just want to hook up with other girls and keep outdoing myself. and the more girls i hook up with the more i want to be in a relationship. as confident as i am about myself (personality, demeanor), im insecure about other things (like everyone else) and going out, hooking up, not being tied to anything is one of the ways that i hide behind it. i clearly have some issues, i know that, and on this topic its something ive known for awhile.......and its for that exact reason that i had to be so brutally honest with you. i know i did the right thing by telling you the truth this whole time. im sorry that i dragged you into my craziness. im sorry i was hooking up with someone before and during the time that we were. im sorry that you got all over me at maiysha's album release, because at any other time i would have been able to control myself and would not have kissed you. but at the same time im glad that i didnt let our thing to go on, didnt sleep with you or even really try to sleep with you, and let you know where i stood throughout this whole thing. you are the only person ive ever hooked up with in my entire life (excluding middle school) who i did not see naked within 3 times of hooking up. pretty impressive on your part, pretty sleezy on mine, and while i know this sounds corny, should signify how much you are someone that i respect and care about. I can live with myself knowing how i handled this whole thing and be okay knowing i did the right thing, but i cant live with myself knowing that one of the friendships i care about most is potentially in the shitter. its twice as bad because this effects how "Hurricane" treats me, but in all honesty if she wants to be pissed at me...... fine, i havent done shit to her and ive been nothing short of a great friend. i know im a little bit of a pompous prick, but you know that i am a good honest person, and that i would never intentionally do anything to hurt you or anyone who i care about so dearly. I hope you know where im at from this email and that it helps things in any way that it can........and most importantly i hope that maybe you'll considering speaking to me\moving on so we can go back to being close and having fun together.

Talk soon, "Wormtail"

OMG...wow...I'll try to respond but that was a book. I'll send this to "Hurricane" too, b/c I know you'd send it to her anyway, and I may post this on my Q&A site, anonymously J, w/your permission.

First, you broke the carnal rule of dating a friend . . . You need to be exclusive and "all in" from the beginning. I'm not talking about sleeping w/the person right away, but I'm talking about thinking ahead of time and making sure its both what you want. I'm all about giving up every friend you have for the shot at eternal happiness, but that doesn't mean you should be dumb or compromising about it.

Second, this guy is really immature. While he blames himself quite a few times, he also says things that beg for complements. He's needy and needs confirmation from you saying things like "I did the right thing" and "I didn't try to sleep with you." By searching for affirmation, he actually isn't' sure he did the right thing, but does want you to believe he did the right thing.

Third, "Wormtail" does not sound like he treats girls well, and you should have known that ahead of time. I have no idea if you were his prize (as "Hurricane" says) or he is yours, but even though he didn't act on it, he likely had goals with you, and he never reached those goals. There's a part of you that should be skeptical about his intentions w/this letter, he may just want to start hooking up again, so he can complete his quest to see you naked. It's amazing to me that he would put that "I didn't even try to see you naked" comment in there, letting you know how he values girls and relationships, with goals and points and scores. I wouldn't be surprised if you two started up again, if you went down on him a few times and then it all blew up again.

Fourth, obviously there wasn't much passion between you two so you probably should be together. Usually, when two friends get together, there's a lot of passion and built up tension. Sexual frustration and flirtation has been going on for months, b/c you two have been cautious about it, and then it just explodes. Usually these relationships go much faster than normal b/c of it. If you plan out like "lets date" and then go on a real date, and then kiss b/c you are supposed to after a date, the chemistry and passion will be gone and it just will feel awkward, like you are kissing your brother. If that was the case, and there was no passion, then I wouldn't suggest dating him again, at least not for a few years.

Fifth, I'm a huge fan of going for it w/a friend. I would give up most of my friendships for the chance at finding the one person, if I thought the friend could be it. And I have a few times. That being said, it's extremely difficult to go backwards once you make that decision. That's why you have to go all in right away, b/c you can't casually date your friend. He was dating other people at the same time, so what was the point of ruining your friendship!? I don't get that at all.

Sixth, you and "Hurricane" should try not to share a brain so much. It totally sucks when someone knows too much about you, especially when it's personal. It is intimidating and frankly awkward when you bump into the friend of the girl you are dating and she knows everything about everything. I know you two are close, but sometimes, you have to keep things close to the chest.

Lastly, what do you want? Do you want him as a friend? You can have him. Do you want him as more than a friend? Proceed very very cautiously, and be a bitch and put your foot down. If you want to date, you have to go all in, those are the friend rules. Of course, as I wrote here, almost 3 years ago, I don't think most guys and girls can be friends.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Circling the DC Wagons

While my life has yet to come full circle, I had no problem circling back to the college life when asked by some friends to head down to College Park (CP), Maryland for homecoming.

Steven, Dave and I met on the upper west side and though we were heading south, we took the bridge in order to circle around midtown, and its traffic issues.

We stopped for gas around 7pm and circled the parking lot twice before we found the exit back onto the highway.

Around Delaware, Dave messaged his 20 year old cousin who goes to U of D to see if we should come to party. Steven and Dave really wanted to go, but I needed to get to DC to meet up w/my Friend Dan. I told them I’d circle back for them around 3am if they wanted, but we ended up heading to Bethesda, where we were crashing at Tom’s parent’s house.

We circled the Bethesda area three times before we decided that liquor stores didn’t exist in Bethesda and decided to try Safeway. Having no luck at Safeway, we headed toward Tom’s parent’s house empty handed, before realizing that we should circle back to Safeway and get flowers instead.

While Steven and Dave talked up a storm w/Tom’s parents, I did a quick circle around the house before heading back to the card, and down to Dupont Circle where Dan lives.

I didn’t have much trouble once I got there, except for going under the circle instead of through it. Once at Dan’s, I picked him up and we circled for a while before we found parking. We didn’t have any specific place to go or people to see, so Dan showed me the area around Dupont Circle and we circled back to his place after a few hours.

After I dropped off Dan around 1am, I texted Steven and Dave to see where they were, and they’d headed to Georgetown. I drove over there, circled for parking and met them at a bar. We met some law students that turned out to be foreign nanny’s. The Norwegian one was so drunk she was spinning in circles, but that didn’t stop her from getting everyone to form a circle around the homeless rapper after the bars had closed.





Steven and Dave had found some girl’s cell phone in the cab they’d taken to GT, and she was jumping through circles all night trying to get it back. By the end of the night, she had not gotten it back, and it was ringing off the hook.

We headed back to Bethesda and I completed my first circle of the weekend. I didn’t drink (I drove) but my head was doing circles thinking about how much fun my GT friends prob had partying at 3rd edition when they went there.

On Saturday, we woke up and headed to college park for the U of Maryland homecoming game. Considering the forecast was for rain all day, at 11am, the parking lot was empty, so we circled around for a while before we found our friends. By 12, the grill was kinda working (it was raining), and we were 12 people strong, all drinking and eating and such. Around 3:15, some of us headed to the game, while others (Steven) stayed in the car. At 4pm, it was so gross in the stadium, that the 10 people who’d been tailgating all left the game for DC. We after circling for a few minutes, I found a great parking spot and we hit a few bars around Dupont Circle. Around 7:30 we headed back to Bethesda, and completed our second circle of DC.

After a few more beers, there was a knock at the door, and in walked the hottest girl we’d seen all weekend. Considering we’d been to 5 bars and a college football game, that says quite a lot. Jenny wasn’t about to just grab her cell phone and go, so she stayed for a drink, and invited us to the club she worked at in DC. We knew we were going back to CP for most of the evening, but she promised to get us in, and we went our separate ways.

Dave, Steven and I headed back to CP, to their old stomping grounds. The undergrad girls did circles around us, while the recently graduated were actually friendly. The undergrads complained that there were no bar specials and beers were $5 while we were so happy for $5 beers. We circled around two or three bars (I really don’t remember) before Steven gets the urge and says “we’re going to DC in 5 minutes.”

Of course, we headed toward Jenny’s club, Tatoo. We get there and stumble up to the bouncer at 1:30 and Steven drunkenly says “we know…um…we’re here for…um… Jenny?” The bouncer’s like, “Are you guys the cell phone guys?! Come on in!” There was a bottle of Champagne waiting for us, and 3 shots in a circle. I don’t remember much of the rest of the night, but apparently I had a 45 minute conversation about politics and Romania with the old lady cab driver on the way home. I’m pretty sure Steven’s head was doing circles, b/c he was in the bathroom for too long once we got home. Below is a visual description of the weekend’s biggest circles, but I’m pretty sure we Circled the DC wagons.
















The drive home was easy. The only circles we did were the ones going on in Steven’s head before he passed out in the back seat. We stopped at Waffle House, to get some grease in our bodies to cure the headaches. Steven was fine again once we dropped the car off, but once we got off the subway by the apartment, his head started spinning again and I did a circle around the block as he sat on the sidewalk, hoping no one was watching him spill his Gatorade.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Reviewing My Life #2

(Original post had links and pictures but it got messed up and I don't feel like editing)

Books:
Currently Reading: 1776
This is a great book about the revolutionary war. What I like is that no character is glorified, and all flaws along with strengths are adequately and possibly accurately portrayed. Washington is shown as a noble, chivalrous man of valor, and honor who is humbled by his appointment as commander and chief and continues stress how he is not worthy. He is a born leader with no military experience, and thus continued to make mistakes on the battlefield, while no one would question his judgment…publicly. The book is inspiring, and patriotic, and really energizes me for my day of sitting and doing nothing behind a desk. I have yet to finish (prob 75% done), but I think I know how the story ends.

Just Finished Reading: Dianetics
This book, the basis for the Scientology religion is the worst book I’ve read in a long time. Paragraphs are so confusing and written in such poor English they must be read over and over a few times. The audience to which the writer is speaking is unclear and here’s the best part. L. Ron Hubbard makes up words. He invents a whole vocabulary for this new religion and creates a glossary in the back of the book for reference. So, if you put the book down for a day or two, after you’ve struggled to understand what he is talking about, you can’t easily pick up where you left off, b/c you have no idea what these words mean. “clears, otcs, engrams.” Anyway, it seems as though the book offers a different way about thinking about the mind and how it works. From that perspective, it was somewhat interesting.

I’m not sure if you’ve seen this video, but here’s the tease of Jason Beghe talking about Scientology (the full 2 hour interview is also on youtube). You don’t even know what he’s talking about.





TV Shows:
Entourage is back and I love it all over again, but my new favorite this season is True Blood. It’s full of bad writing, average acting (besides Tara and her mom who are very good) and really good dogma. I love the whole concept that vampires have come out from hiding b/c now there’s synthetic blood for them to drink, and they are meshing into our world. It’s really interesting and cool in the way superhero books/movies are and there are soooo many directions they can take the storylines. I’m totally "sucked" in :)

Scrubs: Where are you?

The Office / Grey’s. Same thing as last time. The office is awesome, Grey’s is terrible but I’m hooked forever. The problem is that these shows make me very sad. For 2 seasons I watched them w/someone, now I watch alone…just not as fun, and full of memories that make me sad.

Movies:
There really isn’t much to report here because since the year began, I believe I’ve seen 2 movies in the theaters. Additionally, the Netflix spigot has slowed tremendously over the last 6 months. Since the summer started, there just hasn’t been enough time to spend an evening at home watching a DVD. And don’t even get me started on the weekends.

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay:
The first was an instant classic, and this sequel wasn’t far behind. The things we all loved about the first movie were still there, a bunch of dorky, smart, underachievers with personality flaws go through some crazy adventures. I loved that the moved was FIVE years after the first, but picked up exactly where the first left off. Like 2 minutes after the first ended, the 2nd begins. Props to the bottomless party and of course Neil Patrick Harris.

Body of Lies:
Leo is Leo, which means he’s awesome w/a bad accent. Russell Crowe looks old and annoying. I miss Gladiator Russell Crowe. Besides a few plot errors that were fixable and the obvious predictable plot twist, this was quite an entertaining action packed movie. It had everything you’d expect from a CIA/terrorism movie: Innocent people dying, a pompous American boss, a hot foreign chick, and Muslims being depicted as superbly stubborn or terrorists.

Plays:
A Man for all Seasons with Frank Langella. It was powerful and moving. It was inspiring similar to 1776, in that a man put is morals, ethics, and values before his own life, to prove a point and be true to himself. Frank Langella was amazing, and I have a new respect for the man I only really knew as Bob Alexander in “Dave.” I left the theatre upset, yet inspired, and motivated to be a good person.

Dangerous Liaisons with Laura Linney. This show is exactly the opposite of the one above. Scheming and manipulative, characters play off each other by lying and taking advantage of those less powerful. Dangerous Liaisons was a movie w/John Malc and Uma and the moved Cruel Intentions was adapted from it. Very powerful, but you leave feeling almost suicidal!

Politics:
I really don’t like talking about politics with people I don’t know. I am very passionate about my feelings, but I don’t think its most people’s business or my business to preach my beliefs, similar to religion. In any case, I am voting for BO, and not MC for 2 reasons. Supreme Court Justices and Palin. On ever other issue, I think BO and MC are pretty similar. Their domestic policies will be dictated by congress, and will be watered down or not adopted. Their foreign policy decisions will be made in conjunction w/the same generals, won’t be rash decisions, and will be thoughtful. I trust both as leaders and presidents. However, I do not want a more conservative supreme court, one which will take away my rights, maybe detain me like Harold and Kumar, without representation. Palin was my big decision maker. She’s unqualified, she’s untrustworthy, she’s not smart, she’s not knowledgeable, and I don’t think she’ll be a good leader. The problem w/Bush is that his subordinates thought he was an idiot, and could do whatever they wanted, the kids controlled the orphanage. She is Bush, but w/Lipstick, and that’s not ok. MC was picked b/c he was the most liberal, of the Republican candidates, and he takes that mandate, and picks a very conservative running mate. Way to alienate those who nominated you John. I think Powell’s endorsement of of BO speaks volumes (esp b/c he’s known MC for 25 years and donated money to him last year), and he’s much more eloquent than I am, so here it is.




Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Q&A Poll

I received the below question and had a few people answer it. Please read the question and answers and then decide which answer you like the best. Thanks!

How do you make long distance work when you start long distance?

A) In the very beginning you have to make a commitment to the other personto put forth effort into keeping up the momentum of the relationship.Set goals for example spending at least one week a month together. Orspending all holidays and vacations together.

Boundaries def need to be discussed. And you constantly have to have tohave honest dialogs, and support the other person during lulls of beingalone most of the time.

You also both have to equally put forth effort to communicate another.BB messenger, Skype, whatever it takes to keep constantly in touch.

As the relationship progresses you also have to discuss long term goalsof where your relationship is going. Do you want to get married or livetogether, if so who is going to move? A plan while give you both a senseof security that will nurture the other persons self esteem.

However all of these things are futile if you don't have a basic corelove for one each other that sustains you thru the hard journey of longdistance romance.

B) Long distance does not work at all, and this is a good thing! If your long distance relationship is working, and you are enjoying your life and your phone, email, and text conversations, then you two definately need to break up. You don't like the person enough and it's too easly. If long distance isn't working, b/c both of you can't get enough out of the LD thing and you can't stand to be apart and you are not happy w/o them and are unsatisfied w/phone, email, and texting...then you definately do not need to break up. One of you needs to move. Obv if you are just unhappy and don't want them around...you need to break up.

C) I think the reality of this answer, whether you want to hear it or not... is long distance can't last forever, I'm not saying it can't work on a short term basis, but you can't base a relationship on emails, text messages and phone calls forever. These forms of communication can't compensate for actual physical contact. This can only be on a short term basis. When you start long distance, there are a few things to consider going into it...

I'm assuming that this relationship is exclusive. (I hate the term "exclusive" because I don't really understand how a relationship functions psychologically in an "open relationship", but it is 2008, and people are doing it so I’m just asking)

You must have a strong sense of trust- whether you are across the country or a train ride away, you have to trust that your partner and feel secure with your choice to stay involved in this relationship. Starting off long distance means you are still learning about each other and building a relationship so it’s important to instill trust from the get go.

It's important to plan ahead and organize your month coordinating visiting times and travel trips to see each other. You must to make time for one another earlier than later because I am sure you both have busy schedules and your calendars fill up! Organizing your visiting times on the early side avoids time conflicts along the way which will create less tension for between the two of you. Your weekends are precious and fill up very quickly so look at your calendars and pencil each other in A.S.A.P! Knowing when you're next meeting date alleviates the anxiety of leaving one another during your visits. Also, make sure you allot yourselves enough time when your visits. Try to organize trips around holidays and long weekends where you have enough time together and it doesn’t feel like you’re just counting the hours before you leave again.

Traveling back and forth can't last forever. It puts a lot of pressure on both parties and a dent in your wallet if you're flying! Depending on how long you have been seeing one another long distance, if you are both committed to making this relationship grow, it might be time for one of you to compromise and move to the same city. No better test to see if this could actually work! It seems like a huge step, which it is...but how long are you going to go through all this back and forth nonsense? I am just advising that you and your partner need to set long-term goals for for your relationship to make it work.

Long distance can be achieved and perfected over time through commitment, compromise and team work along with frequent flyer miles! You're obviously in this to make it work but it's maintaining it that will take some effort. Most importantly, always be honest and open with your significant other no matter how far away you are living from one another.

























Friday, October 17, 2008

Quick Friday

Wednesday was a good summary of my week. I had a 4 hour meeting that lasted from 3-7. I was late b/c the trains suck and I had volleyball at 7. Around 6:20, when it appeared the meeting wasn't going to end anytime soon. I left, dialed into the conference, and listened on my way back to my office, to volleyball and through warmups, before it ended at 7:20 ish. Of course, the whole purpose of the meeting was to discuss an investment I recommended that will likely lose 100% of its value.

Here are some other things that are going on:

A quart of milk has dropped from $1.16 to $0.93. That’s a huge percentage.

I wrote a really really good article on my life (when drunk as usual) and decided not to post it once I woke up sober.

I like cupcakes from BJ’s much more than from Magnolia.

After 2 years at my new company, my office finally has real furniture, instead of a glass table as a desk.

I have not written so much b/c I’ve stopped taking notes.

Why doesn’t parmesan cheese go bad from leaving it out? How logn does it last just sitting on a pizza counter?

Some links:

Elephants that text message

Glad that this movie may come back

Listening to very loud music can save your life, sometimes.

What does it mean when 7 different people send a variation of this article to you?

What happened to all the teaching perks? It’s gonna be no fun when I become one.

This is just strange.

Not to be political, but this was a good summary of the ACORN non situation:

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

New Telewalker!

Today at lunch I encountered a new type of Telewalker (See descriptions for others at the bottom of THIS article).

Three 11 year old kids walked up to me and asked if I could answer a few simple questions. Their teacher was standing in the background and there were 4 other sets of three kids all over the blocks. There was no escaping, no avoiding, and they were soooo cute, and thus, I was stuck, engaged in sidewalk talk.

Here are the questions (answers):
Who is most likely to get his policies enacted, Mc or O? O
Who is most likely to cut taxes, Mc or O? Mc
Who has a better energy policy, Mc or O? Same
If you were R,D or I before this election, are you still? Yes

I wasn't able to fend off their agression and was forced to answer 4 questions. If someone can figure out a way to avoid this type sidewalk agression, please tell me.