Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Q&A Poll

I received the below question and had a few people answer it. Please read the question and answers and then decide which answer you like the best. Thanks!

How do you make long distance work when you start long distance?

A) In the very beginning you have to make a commitment to the other personto put forth effort into keeping up the momentum of the relationship.Set goals for example spending at least one week a month together. Orspending all holidays and vacations together.

Boundaries def need to be discussed. And you constantly have to have tohave honest dialogs, and support the other person during lulls of beingalone most of the time.

You also both have to equally put forth effort to communicate another.BB messenger, Skype, whatever it takes to keep constantly in touch.

As the relationship progresses you also have to discuss long term goalsof where your relationship is going. Do you want to get married or livetogether, if so who is going to move? A plan while give you both a senseof security that will nurture the other persons self esteem.

However all of these things are futile if you don't have a basic corelove for one each other that sustains you thru the hard journey of longdistance romance.

B) Long distance does not work at all, and this is a good thing! If your long distance relationship is working, and you are enjoying your life and your phone, email, and text conversations, then you two definately need to break up. You don't like the person enough and it's too easly. If long distance isn't working, b/c both of you can't get enough out of the LD thing and you can't stand to be apart and you are not happy w/o them and are unsatisfied w/phone, email, and texting...then you definately do not need to break up. One of you needs to move. Obv if you are just unhappy and don't want them around...you need to break up.

C) I think the reality of this answer, whether you want to hear it or not... is long distance can't last forever, I'm not saying it can't work on a short term basis, but you can't base a relationship on emails, text messages and phone calls forever. These forms of communication can't compensate for actual physical contact. This can only be on a short term basis. When you start long distance, there are a few things to consider going into it...

I'm assuming that this relationship is exclusive. (I hate the term "exclusive" because I don't really understand how a relationship functions psychologically in an "open relationship", but it is 2008, and people are doing it so I’m just asking)

You must have a strong sense of trust- whether you are across the country or a train ride away, you have to trust that your partner and feel secure with your choice to stay involved in this relationship. Starting off long distance means you are still learning about each other and building a relationship so it’s important to instill trust from the get go.

It's important to plan ahead and organize your month coordinating visiting times and travel trips to see each other. You must to make time for one another earlier than later because I am sure you both have busy schedules and your calendars fill up! Organizing your visiting times on the early side avoids time conflicts along the way which will create less tension for between the two of you. Your weekends are precious and fill up very quickly so look at your calendars and pencil each other in A.S.A.P! Knowing when you're next meeting date alleviates the anxiety of leaving one another during your visits. Also, make sure you allot yourselves enough time when your visits. Try to organize trips around holidays and long weekends where you have enough time together and it doesn’t feel like you’re just counting the hours before you leave again.

Traveling back and forth can't last forever. It puts a lot of pressure on both parties and a dent in your wallet if you're flying! Depending on how long you have been seeing one another long distance, if you are both committed to making this relationship grow, it might be time for one of you to compromise and move to the same city. No better test to see if this could actually work! It seems like a huge step, which it is...but how long are you going to go through all this back and forth nonsense? I am just advising that you and your partner need to set long-term goals for for your relationship to make it work.

Long distance can be achieved and perfected over time through commitment, compromise and team work along with frequent flyer miles! You're obviously in this to make it work but it's maintaining it that will take some effort. Most importantly, always be honest and open with your significant other no matter how far away you are living from one another.


Anonymous said...

A was good but cheesy...b was terrible

Meistro said...

This isn't about which is the most accurate, or helpful, its about which you like the best. GEEZ :).

Anonymous said...

I'm in a long distance relationship and its working great. I care for him and he for me but neither of us are ready for it to be too serious. LD is actually a good way to keep it less pressure filled. No reason this can't work for quite a while.

Anonymous said...

That's why it can't work. It can only work in non-pressured relationships. I'm Pro B.