Sunday, May 03, 2009

Combined Q&A

I've combined a relationship Q&A w/a random one...

Barbi - What casual clothes can a girl wear and still look sexy?

I’m not going to mention the overalls again, which were discussed here and in the comments, but I’d say there isn’t much like a wife beater. A knee high dress mixed w/a wife beater is casual and sexy as hell. (Any color)

BIL2 - At what point in a relationship should one's significant other get the #1 speed dial position? If they don't have it by the time they are married, who is entitled to be before them?

What if there is a disparity between them, i.e. A has B as #1 but B does not have A as #1, does that say something about the relationship?

The speed dial rules aren’t well established and there are considerable variations and variables that must be taken into account. Of course, my first phone had 99 speed dials and I had over 70 filled in and people would test me on them. My parents were 24 and 27 back then! However, a standard base of rules should apply at all times for new phones.

1. Home (parent’s house) if you’re unmarried, spouse if you’re married. It’s pretty much only for your emergency contact, whoever that may be.
2. Reserved for significant others only. Of course, for me, it’s my parent’s other home number, b/c I have nowhere near needing it for something else.
3. Parent’s Cell
4. Parent’s Cell
5. Best friend
6. Sibling 1 (everyone has to have 1 sibling, those are the rules)
7. Sibling 2 or roommate
8. Friends, siblings, In-Laws
9. Friends, siblings, In-Laws

Things to note: If significant other wants #1, A) explain that it’s the number if something happens to you, and that you spend so much time together, that you’ll probably be together when that happens so you won’t need to be called. Additionally, #2, # 5, and #8 are actually more important, and can be argued as such, because of their place on the phone… in the middle. Argue that 2 is better than 1 or 3. That is also why your best friend is at #5.

As to your disparity question, no love is equal. Someone always like one more than the other likes back (in my experiences at least). The person who likes more will move the other up the speed dial list preemptively, to prove his or her love. However, this is the wrong course. All it does is solidify the person of power in their position of power. It’s showing your cards in the love power game.

Embarrassing Convo:
Terrible With Boys: I met a guy last night and he's in town for 12 more days, while I'm in town for 10. Should I call him today?
Have you ever met a guy before? No, he’ll call/message you.
TWB - I didn’t give him my number, I got his.
WHY? Have you ever met a guy before? I wouldn’t call, I would text. Remember, whatever your instincts are, they are wrong, so do the opposite.

I was dead serious in that last test. This girl is cute, and wants to hook up and strikes out constantly. She has no idea what she’s doing.

Barbi - Back in college, I used to sleep with this guy... let's call him Jared. It was college, he was with other people, I was with other people, and then he was with his girlfriend and let's just say things ended badly and we didn't speak for many years. We reconnected 2 years ago, sent each other wonderfully clever and touching emails catching each other up on our lives, but I was living abroad and he got into a relationship. When we first saw each other again, he was already living with her. For the last 6 months we get together once a month for drinks or lunch and there is some flirtation, and he will complain about his girlfriend's shortcomings and say inappropriately sexually overt things... I find myself feeling all the old feelings I used to have for him, and more... I get stressed out before each meeting, hoping I look perfect, rehearsing my entrance, it’s pretty pathetic... I know he won't cheat on her, then what is he doing? is this an ego boost for him? what am i doing? should i stop seeing him?

My first instinct, of course, is to respond to your crazy talk, and you “rehearsing your entrance” was by far the best example. What are you nuts? Do you think that matters at all? Wow…
Now, onto your questions.

What is he doing? Is this an ego boost? He is being totally inappropriate. Maybe he won’t cheat on her, maybe he will. He probably is already. Do you think his gf knows you two are hanging out once a month? (Answer, no) Do you think she would approve of it (Answer, no). When you have a GF, and you’re supposedly in love, and you’re living with that person, there isn’t any reason to be in contact with an ex, making inappropriate sexually overt comments to her, and flirting with her. Many girls would call those actions cheating on their own. There’s nothing wrong with him complaining about his girlfriend, but there is everything wrong with him doing it to you. This isn't an ego boost, this is him testing the waters, and his GF should know.

What are you doing? Should you stop seeing him? First, you aren’t doing anything wrong socially. BUT that doesn’t mean you aren’t screwing yourself over. You’re not looking at the long term, only the short term. If he does break up w/his gf, or he does cheat w/you, hanging out with him now doesn’t guarantee he’ll ever get together with you. All you are guaranteeing is that you’ll like him more than he likes you, and that you’ll hook up once (or a few times if he’s cheating).

This guy created a very emotional situation for you in college, and thus you’ve got some unsettled issues to work through. He brings up memories and feelings that you haven’t felt in a while, b/c you’re not the same person you were back then. That doesn’t mean these are good or bad feelings, but that connection you have, is based on an emotionally turbulent past.
Are you two friends? No. Are you lovers? No. Is the fact that you two are hanging out, and in this capacity, inappropriate? Yes. Not that you should be telling him this, but he should be respecting his current girlfriend. You’ll never trust him if you ever do end up w/him b/c of what he’s doing to his current girlfriend, making this extremely unhealthy. If you want to hang out with him, she should be in the know, and be around. If not, you shouldn’t be hanging out until she’s gone, or until you’re in a committed relationship (if you trust yourself).

Why do you want to be a high school mentor?

I saw the movie role models and they had fun. Actually, I was sitting in Union Square a few weeks ago when a homeless person asked me for some money. I said no, and looked away, not even making eye contact. He then walked up to an old lady with a shopping cart full of stuff, obviously homeless to. I watched her take out a green dollar and give it to him. I have no idea the denomination, but no matter what, it was more than I ever would have given him. Seeing that, made me think, “I can do more for this world.” So, I’m trying to do more.

Hurricane - Don't you think companies should have a designated spring break for theiremployees?

That's absurd... it should be in the summer. We should all take 2 week vacations at the end of the summer like they do in Europe. The whole country should just vacation.

How do you know when your personality is getting old?

For a guy, there are 11 distinct signs that you are no longer young.

There is no beer paraphernalia on your walls or sitting on your shelves
You have a bike rack.
Your couch was not handed down or purchased on craigslist.
You think Monday Night Football games end too late.
You shower on days when you don’t leave the house.
When you get home from work and take off your shirt, you check to see if lint in your belly button.
You go to bars before 10pm on a Saturday and it’s been over a year since you stayed out till 5am.
You complain about aches and pains that you would have ignored in college.
You take sick days when you ACTUALLY are sick.
You talk about work more than sports and you enjoy talking about work
You eat sushi more than once a week and/or enjoy eating sushi in general.


Anonymous said...

#1 Voice mail lady

Meistro said...

I have that as my exclamation point... but you HAVE TO HAVE *86 P #### as one of your speed dial so that you can call your Voice Mail, pause, and automatically enter your 4 digit password.

Anonymous said...

i dont agree with any of your relationship/girl advice
but i think your "you know when you are getting old" list is perfect and hilarious
- sw