Monday, June 22, 2009

Searching for me?

Someone from Viet Nam just found my website by searching "japanese girl pretty short - bra, topless" on yahoo. Awesome!

They may have been on

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

WTF Week

Lotsa crap going wrong this week and I'm super scared of my presentation tomorrow. I made one of our junior analysts cut the bread in the kitchen for me today b/c I was sure that w/my luck, I was gonna lose a finger.

Anyway, I haven't posted "Ben dating" saga in a while... but since I'm not even close to dating anyone... I can now freely post about dating life w/or repercussions. Here's fun story w/a poll at the end.

Friday night I met this really cute, sweet nice girl. I memorized her number b/c my phone was dead and we made tentative plans to hang out Sunday night. I send her a text on Saturday "nice to meet you" with some other inside jokes about what we discussed the previous night. She responds, not w/a message, but w/a picture of herself a few hours later. A little weird, but much appreciated. Sunday I send another text "see you tonight, 7pm still good" and receive a response "I'm still at the beach, rain check this week?" Again, fine, no problems, seems like good news. We set up tentative plans for Wednesday via text. WHY DIDN'T I FOLLOW MY "NO DATING TEACHER'S THEY'RE ALL CRAZY" RULE?!?!

Yesterday I get a call from her totally out of the blue, unprovoked. I'm pretty excited when I answer. Then she tells me she is kinda seeing someone.... Then she tells me she wants to set me up w her friend, who I'd also met Friday night (but didn't talk to) and who was standing right next to her at the time. She then asks me if I wanted to talk to her. I say no. I was in shock. I actually have a good line for this situation, if the friend isn't standing right there. Total middle school flashbacks. I give the line anyway, stating "while your friend seemed great, I'm interested in you and knowing girls if I date her, it will ruin all chances I'd ever have with you, so I'd rather just wait. She was flattered, I'm sure her friend was highly insulted. I had mentioned Party At The Piers to her on Friday, and she told me to message her through facebook w/the information and maybe she'd come.

This is what I wrote: "I guess that was a lil strange... totally normal convo to have if she's not standing right there! Y ou know you could have told me this on Friday! (unless this is all a plan b/c you don't like me that much and she asked which is quite possible b/c girls def scheme like that)!

Anyway, you should def come on Saturday night! - last year 450 people came. Outdoor drinking, open bar, on the water, raffles, dj, etc. I wouldn't be surprised if you know people who are going. Bring your boy, make him pay!

Take care, no hard feelings...write back and don't be a stranger."

I wasn't upset at that time but the more I thought about what she'd done, the more upset I became. She responded today:

"Now I feel all guilty!!!!!!!!!!!! I was just trying to be honest. I'm sorry if I shattered your hopes and dreams...

ha... I'll def keep in touch"

Now I'm pissed!

The Question is: WHAT DO I WRITE BACK?
(please vote)

A) Email full of WHAT I WANT TO SAY:

I don't want to be a jerk but I'm totally confused by you.

You wanted to be honest? You had so many opportunities to say something (or for your friend to say something for you).... Why send a picture and respond to my messages.... And why agree to hang out... And why make me repeat your phone number over and over in the bar to make sure I didn't forget... And why ask for a raincheck on Sunday? You wanted to be honest? I'm a nice person. I think we even discussed how you were too, and we discussed how you wouldn't have talked to me for so long if you were just wasting my time. That whole call yesterday was like middle school! I'm still shocked thinking back on it.

Wow, disappointed. But at least I've got an awesome new story for my website!

Hope you had a good birthday. (FB says her bday was last week)

Upside - I get it off my chest. She will never talk to me again.
Downside - She will never talk to me again. Awkwardness when I likely bump into her again.

B) Half way friendly w/a twang (and smiley faces):

You should feel guilty... If I actually knew you, you'd hear it from me...but since I'd only be alienating you, I'll refrain. :)

Any chance you want to upgrade? You should def hang out w/me, no strings... we got along well, why not?!

Hope to see you on Saturday! Bring the boy, 150 people got tkts already, 450 came last year. Great cause, not toooo expensive... outdoors, open bar, live music, what's better?

Upside - We may hang out, she knows I'm upset
Downside - She may not respond, or think I care too much.

C) Killing w/kindness:

No problem kiddo, I love when my hopes and dreams are crushed! :)
(I could even throw in a "We all make mistakes")

Hope to see you on Saturday, its gonna be awesome!

Upside - If we bump into eachother in the future, it could work. She may message when single again.
Downside - We are not gonna hang out anytime soon.

D) No response -

Upside - I don't waste my time
Downside - I don't waste my time

Some of you will ask me (and rightfully so) Why do I keep wasting my time w/this crap? Well... that's all that's out there!!!



Sunday, June 07, 2009

Benny Asks...

Some questions I have… Some that I need answers:

Why does everyone like my little sister more than me? I had a dinner party the other night, 14 people came. A few days later, people had stopped mentioning the awesome cookie cake and the rice pudding but had not stopped talking about how cool my sister is and how much they love her. As a side note, this happened constantly in high school.

What If NBA held its draft lottery 35 minutes before the start of the actual draft?

Is there a male equivalent to Fleet Week for girls? I was talking to a few ladies about fleet week, and I’d say many of these ladies have fulfilled their civic duties at some point (ie ‘entertained’ the troops). Some get excited every year and some tried it once and don’t do it anymore. The question is; why don’t these girls love it every year and participate every year? The best analogy for a “male” Fleet Week is if there was a cheerleader week in NY. Where 50,000 college cheerleaders who’d been stuck at cheerleading camp for 6 months w/o seeing a boy had descended into Manhattan for a week. I know I would fulfill my civic duties to these girls ever time, especially if that 6 month cheerleader camp had been necessary to keep America safe.

How do we get cheerleader week in NY?

When did I become someone’s boss? All of a sudden, our Junior analysts have been at our company for a year, and I’ve got people working for me. All of a sudden, these kids are waiting for me to leave before they leave in the evening. Like they invented the N+5 rule, I’ll show them! Of course, the biggest impact from this knowledge is that I can’t flirt w/everyone anymore. All of a sudden, I’m a superior, and I have power. A silly kid like myself shouldn’t have power.

Why does bringing out a cake at an office party, or even a birthday party, have to be a surprise? The person who’s getting the cake knows it’s their birthday and you’ve gotten them a cake at work every year. If we’re talking about a birthday dinner, the birthday boy/girl definitely knows it’s their birthday. Why the surprise and secrecy?

Why is it that I only see Asian people wearing masks to protect them from Swine Flu? Are these people tourists or just live on Delancy Street? Did they not read THIS memo? (masks mostly help sick people from spreading but not healthy people from getting)

When the Wesleyan shooter’s diary was spread all over the news, they thought that so many studings, including the Jewish population at Wesleyan, was possibly at risk of being targeted. The question is, if I was a suspect in a killing, and the police/news media read this website, who would they think I was going to target? All Men? Anyone with Leggings on? Obviously Asian people with masks.

Am I the only person in NJ who’d never heard of a Taylor Ham and Cheese?

What would have happened if “we’re gonna be in the Hudson” happened in the summer? I think everyone would have died, or at least a few unsuspecting boaters. If the plane even nicks a sail boat at 100 mph, bad sh*t would have happened.

Where did the “old college try” come from?

What should I dress as for Halloween? Hurricane asked me the other day and these are some of the things that rattled off my tongue:

Aladdin – would just be fun. And I like vests, as long as I don’t have to wear something underneath it.

Waldo – Then I can walk up to girls and say “You just found me but I’ve been searching for you my whole life”

Jewish girls wet dream – Doctors coat, big Jewish star. Stage crew – wearing all black

Blind guy – I have the glasses and walking stick already

Blind guy w/injured hairy palm (updated) – figure it out, unsure if less offensive than blind person.

A nine year old kid – Wear the Heely’s , a pinwheel hat and maybe overalls?

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Kiss Me Baby

Boy Question: How do you know when a guy is coming in for a hug or a kiss?

Chances are, he's coming in for a kiss. I would assume that every guy wants to kiss you if he's going in for anything. He would totally avoidthe area if he didn't want anything, or make it completely obvious. Likely, his head is straight on you vs facing to the side.

Therefore, you should assume that you are in charge...and you need to non verbally tell him what you want. If you go in straight, you get to make out, if you go in with cheek, he'll get it. It's your decision.

I can't believe you're 28.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Puke Happens

This is an actual email my friend sent to a guy 2 days after their second date. She recieved a text from him asking if he'd done something wrong:

Hi ####,

The weekend was good, finally got the summer weather we have all been waiting for! Finally!

Friday night was not my idea of a great date as I am sure you can imagine. If I thought you were going to be trashed when we met up, I would have probably recommended that we switch it to another night. Fridays are meant for everyone to let loose after work, but by the time I met up with you,you could barely walk in a straight line let alone formulate sentences...and a little aggressive at times. I picked a bar outside so you could get some air... ordered you a water, I got a margarita ...maybe 5 minutes into my drink you lean over and start to puke profusely all over...for a good 10 min. I got the check, put you in a cab and the last thing you said to me was, "are you going to come home with me?"

Puke happens...we've all done it, no big deal... But I just felt that you should have known better not to make plans with me in the state you were in. I'm over it, so no hard feelings.

Hope you have a great week.