Sunday, June 07, 2009

Benny Asks...

Some questions I have… Some that I need answers:

Why does everyone like my little sister more than me? I had a dinner party the other night, 14 people came. A few days later, people had stopped mentioning the awesome cookie cake and the rice pudding but had not stopped talking about how cool my sister is and how much they love her. As a side note, this happened constantly in high school.

What If NBA held its draft lottery 35 minutes before the start of the actual draft?

Is there a male equivalent to Fleet Week for girls? I was talking to a few ladies about fleet week, and I’d say many of these ladies have fulfilled their civic duties at some point (ie ‘entertained’ the troops). Some get excited every year and some tried it once and don’t do it anymore. The question is; why don’t these girls love it every year and participate every year? The best analogy for a “male” Fleet Week is if there was a cheerleader week in NY. Where 50,000 college cheerleaders who’d been stuck at cheerleading camp for 6 months w/o seeing a boy had descended into Manhattan for a week. I know I would fulfill my civic duties to these girls ever time, especially if that 6 month cheerleader camp had been necessary to keep America safe.

How do we get cheerleader week in NY?

When did I become someone’s boss? All of a sudden, our Junior analysts have been at our company for a year, and I’ve got people working for me. All of a sudden, these kids are waiting for me to leave before they leave in the evening. Like they invented the N+5 rule, I’ll show them! Of course, the biggest impact from this knowledge is that I can’t flirt w/everyone anymore. All of a sudden, I’m a superior, and I have power. A silly kid like myself shouldn’t have power.

Why does bringing out a cake at an office party, or even a birthday party, have to be a surprise? The person who’s getting the cake knows it’s their birthday and you’ve gotten them a cake at work every year. If we’re talking about a birthday dinner, the birthday boy/girl definitely knows it’s their birthday. Why the surprise and secrecy?

Why is it that I only see Asian people wearing masks to protect them from Swine Flu? Are these people tourists or just live on Delancy Street? Did they not read THIS memo? (masks mostly help sick people from spreading but not healthy people from getting)

When the Wesleyan shooter’s diary was spread all over the news, they thought that so many studings, including the Jewish population at Wesleyan, was possibly at risk of being targeted. The question is, if I was a suspect in a killing, and the police/news media read this website, who would they think I was going to target? All Men? Anyone with Leggings on? Obviously Asian people with masks.

Am I the only person in NJ who’d never heard of a Taylor Ham and Cheese?

What would have happened if “we’re gonna be in the Hudson” happened in the summer? I think everyone would have died, or at least a few unsuspecting boaters. If the plane even nicks a sail boat at 100 mph, bad sh*t would have happened.

Where did the “old college try” come from?

What should I dress as for Halloween? Hurricane asked me the other day and these are some of the things that rattled off my tongue:

Aladdin – would just be fun. And I like vests, as long as I don’t have to wear something underneath it.

Waldo – Then I can walk up to girls and say “You just found me but I’ve been searching for you my whole life”

Jewish girls wet dream – Doctors coat, big Jewish star. Stage crew – wearing all black

Blind guy – I have the glasses and walking stick already

Blind guy w/injured hairy palm (updated) – figure it out, unsure if less offensive than blind person.

A nine year old kid – Wear the Heely’s , a pinwheel hat and maybe overalls?


Anonymous said...

Bigot: "Jewish girls wet dream – Doctors coat, big Jewish star."

Anonymous said...

that's why I married her and not you

Anonymous said...

I think you mean hairy palm and not hairy wrist

Meistro said...

edited, thx