Friday, July 31, 2009

I said "I love you" Three Times

This is a conversation I had w/my friend Baribie. She says so many "amazing" things I'm forced to respond w/"I love you" three times. Just an awesome conversation.

Barbie: So, I had tentative plans with bartender this past weekend but was agonizing over when to see him and how to text him and when. So I decided to wait till Friday late night to booty call him when he’s about to finish at the bar.

Meistro: I love you

Barbie: Friday morning I realize I left my charger in jersey so in the afternoon I headed down to a Verizon store near J to buy a charger.
So I pay for a used charger and suddenly guess who appears at my side, Bartender!
Looking even more gorgeous in daylight.
He grabs my arm and tells me to stay till he’s done with his phone issue
We walk to the bar together so he can open up and he tells me he will try to get out at a normal hour (before 3)
Lo and behold, he texts me at 11 to say he should get out by 2, perfect
2 am he meets me at J’s and cabs us over
We pass out by 5
5 30 am the doorbell is ringing
He rolls over and he’s like, “fuck my girlfriend’s here!”
I thought I was in a TV sitcom!!!! It was amazing!

Meistro: Hahaha Did you hide for the night? Climb out the window?

Barbie: no I snuck up to the second floor waited in the hall until they were both in his apt and then bolted.
He gave me money for a cab.

Meistro: How nice

Barbie: crazy!

Meistro: Did you feel cheap?

Barbie: No, I was annoyed that I was woken up at 5 am though
I knew he had someone and he’s not the only person I’m banging
I didn’t respond till two days later and he was like, “please come over. What’s your favorite ice cream?”
So I went over Sunday night and we talked, I had a lot of questions about the girlfriend.
I was so curious. Like, what was she doing there at 5 am??? and we just kind of vegged on the couch and he gave me a foot rub and we talked for hours
It was nice.
I like getting to know the people I bang.
It makes it more interesting.

Meistro: He has a girl friend?!?! You have a job now... You don't need that anymore! :)

Barbie: yeah but it’s the best sex of my life.
I would totally do this if I had a job too.
He looks like Adonis, I’ve never been attracted to anyone like this.

Meistro: You say that every new guy.

Barbie: true, well about the sex.
But its true the sex gets better and better as we get older.
But he really is in another league.
He’s been with her on and off for 5 years. She’s the "love of his life." They broke up a year ago and he moved out, He says they absolutely cannot live together, it was disastrous. So they are trying to rebuild now but they fight a lot. It’s very passionate.

Meistro: So he has no future w her or you...

Barbie: well maybe for them
It sounds like he really cares about her.
Never thought he was dateable.
He’s too good looking to trust. He doesn’t have enough Jew in him. He’s 26
Barbie: and he’s not funny enough

Meistro: I love you

Barbie: :)
Oh, he said one funny thing.
I was saying how an affair is fun because it s secret only two of u share and he was like, “AND all of YOUR friends!”
Sigh, he knows me so well.

Meistro: Did you video the sex yet so you can remember forever. I'm sure you are not the first he’s cheated with. That's why the sex is good.

Barbie: no but we took some pics on his phone

Meistro: Haha... So he can have you forever.

Barbie: Of course I’m not the first.
I think he’s even had sex with more people than me!

Meistro: Oh boy.

Barbie: He was like, “if I join Facebook will u be my friend?” Which was weird cause he won’t let me take pics of him or tell people his name.

Meistro: Of course not.

Barbie: well and also he’s the face of his family’s company.

Meistro: Any pic of him posted will get him caught if you have mutual friends. Do you know his name!?

Barbie: yeah

Meistro: You are so in love

Barbie: I’m in lust.

Meistro: In crush.

Barbie: Totally

Meistro: I love you

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


I got a message from the Hurricane last night advising me not to come to a party b/c it was too hipster. "This is way too hipster for u." Unsure what that even meant, I told her I resented that comment and "I can handle anything. I can dress anything." After reading the below definition that my DJ sent me, I'm thinking maybe I couldn't handle it after all. Of course, the picture at the bottom could be why she didn't stay and/or want me there.


Listens to bands that you have never heard of. Has hairstyle that can only be described as "complicated." (Most likely achieved by a minimum of one week not washing it.) Probably tattooed. Maybe gay. Reads Black Book, Nylon, and the Styles section of the New York Times. Drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon. Often. Complains. Always denies being a hipster. Hates the word. Probably living off parents money - and spends a great deal of it to look like they don't have any. Has friends and/or self cut hair. Dyes it frequently (black, white-blonde, etc. and until scalp bleeds). Has a closet full of clothing but usually wears same three things OVER AND OVER (most likely very tight black pants, scarf, and ironic tee-shirt). Chips off nail polish artfully after $50 manicure. Sleeps with everyone and talks about it at great volume in crowded coffee shops. Addicted to coffee, cigarettes (Parliaments, Kamel Reds, Lucky Strikes, etc.), and possibly cocaine. Claims to be in a band. Rehearsals consist of choosing outfits for next show and drinking PBR. Always on the list. Majors or majored in art, writing, or queer studies. Name-drops. May go by "Penny Lane," "Eleanor Rigby," etc. when drunk. On PBR. Which is usually.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

2nd Annual MGTW (NJ Style)

2nd Annual MGTW (NJ Style):

Can you think of any good reason to wake up at 6:30 AM on a Sunday besides morning sex or flying somewhere? Well… this past Sunday, I found a 3rd reason. The second annual MGTW (NJ Style)… Mini Golf Tournament Weekend. Last year’s event was split over 2 days and was played on Long island. This year… it was a one day marathon, to the death.

Steiny, Slaw, Aussie and myself got a car, and headed to NJ at 7am. At 8am, when we arrived at the first course the lot was packed… with real golfers. You could say that the staff member at the pro shop was shocked when we asked to play the empty mini golf course. You could also say that he was extremely jealous when we told him we’d be hitting up to 10 courses at 8 locations all over NJ during the day in a massive mini golf tournament (time permitting).

Here’s a picture of us bright and early at the first course:

Besides feeling like it was 100 degrees outside and each of us drinking well over a gallon of liquids, the event was relatively uneventful...regardless of my utter domination

Aussie was dominating until forced to play through injury. Somehow, he had small shards of glass on his index finger. I believe this was a sabotage job by Steiny, but I have no evidence to back this up.

We played at Monster Golf, an indoor course that was lit by ultra violet lights (picture below):

We found a pizza place that had large pies for $7.50 on Sundays. It was worth the 10 minute wait.

We saw a guy 11 put from 3 feet away, in front of his GF, and then hit a hole in one on the next hole.

Like in a cartoon, Aussie stepped on his putter while it was lying on the ground and it swung up and smacked him in the crotch. Unfortunately, I missed this.

Final Scores after 6 courses:
Meistro: 282
Slaw: 291
Steiny: 291
Aussie: 292

Courses Won:
Aussie: 3
Meistro: 2
Steiny: 2

Holes in One:
Steiny: 9
Aussie: 8
Meistro: 8
Slaw: 6

Though I had to leave the group, the 3 remaining continued to play 1 more course, where Aussie took control from the other 2 remaining competitors. He will claim victory, and that I quit and thus my scores are nullified. I will claim that a 10 stroke lead was insurmountable, and dinner w/grandma was not cancelable. This may need to be settled on the field of battle.

Below is a map of our driving path and the courses we went to:

Monday, July 20, 2009

Don't Forget: Friday Night is Karaoke Night

Don't Forget: Friday Night is Karaoke Night

I took "my DJ" up to the Poconos this weekend for a night and day away from the loud city. While getting away for one night isn't that big of a deal, I'm away this coming weekend (Tahoe), she's away the following 2 (Italy), and then I'm away the following 3 (Israel, Denver)... so we probably won't hang out again until mid September.

I’ve been going to the Poconos since my parents got the house, more than 20 years ago. In fact, the first entry in the guest book is something my friend, who got married last weekend, wrote in 1989. We’d always come up w/friends, or family, and I’d never plan anything, and I’d definitely never experienced the culture which exists two hours west of New York.

The first thing we noticed up there was how bad the economy is in the rural US, compared to New York. We stopped at a mall to see what movies were playing b/c it was raining, and almost every store was vacant. I’m not talking about a lack of patrons, I’m talking about a lack of tenants. It was actually pretty scary.

We stopped at an outdoor (but covered) Italian Tiki bar for dinner (They had shrip parm!). The customers had been drinking for hours and the stories they were telling were as "fresh" as anything I’d ever heard. Though DJ and I didn’t mind the entertainment at all, the locals were unnecessarily apologetic, to the point where one of them bought us drinks. I guess if he’s jobless and living off my tax dollars, he may as well buy me a drink (wow, I’m an ass!). I guess DJ and I stood out like sore thumbs. Right before we left, Karaoke at the Tiki bar was just starting up.

Our next stop was the Carnival across the street. Due to the rain, but though the rain had stopped, it was empty and thus closing at 9. We walked to the hotel across the street to see if anything else was going on. Apparently, Karaoke takes place at the Fernwood every Friday night too.

Onto the house we drove, but the road was closed, and thus we stopped at a local establishment for directions on the detour. As I stood waiting to ask a waitress, a local asked what I needed(everyone this weekend was so freaking friendly) and of course, asked where I was from. I guess I stood out like a sore thumb.

Of course we had to make 1 more stop before getting to the house, the Log Cabin Bar & Restaurant. They have pizza and wings and beer and corn nuggets… a full service restaurant. I ordered 2 beers, and the absurdly old bartender told me it was $3, and he meant for BOTH. Yes, I’m talking about $1.5/a beer! The bartender was so old, he asked where we were from, twice. Let me make this clear... The man asked for our orders, noticed how much we stood out, and then asked where we were from. No more than 5 mintues later, he walks over, forgets who we are, notices how much we stand out, and asks where we are from, again. Of course, it was karaoke night at the Log Cabin on Friday night.

Saturday was spent:

Hiking to a waterfall (Click for Pic, and Another),

Hitting that carnival when it was open but still void of people
(Picture of me trying not to puke on the scramble below),

Sliding down a slide (video),

Driving down to the Delaware River where we saw some sort of ritual baptism (picture),

Going to a bakery and picking up some chocolate peanut butter cream pie,

Blinking and realizing that 2 hours had just passed after an awesome nap,

Food shopping for my apartment and office in NJ (Saved so much money buying 20 boxes of cereal),

And eating at a NJ diner.

Here are some things I was thinking about while driving:

I think I forgot to pack my asthma meds, my sandals and my sneakers though I only packed for one night. I think DJ forgot her toothbrush, though she packed enough for 4 nights.

I think the Delaware River is so flat you can’t even tell which way the water is flowing. I think that every time I think of the Delaware, I think of Jaime’s 30th birthday rafting trip where we filled the rafts w/beer and floated 5 miles in 5 hours.

I think I love creating perfect text messages, I may be obsessed. To explain, a perfect text message is one that is exactly 140 characters. I'll add / subtract / alter words just to get there. I think this is the perfect text I sent to my dad saturday night "FYI...I got to you apt friday after work and when changing into shorts before driving I realized my sandals were on 18th st. So I stole a pair of yours! Thanks"

I think I see signs for a “tap room” all the time, and have no idea what one is.

I think that when people ask me "what type of music do you like?" my new response is going to be "music that was written before I was born." I think I've always like the classic rock & the Q.

I think it’s strange when the media discusses how someone fought cancer valiantly. Are there people who don’t and would the media mention it if they didn’t?

I think Harry Potter is an obsession that I’m quite happy about. Before the 6th movie came out, I reread the 6th book, again, for the 3rd time. (I read it when it came out and right before the 7th book came out). I think I love working at a place that is every banks client because it allowed me to go to a screening of HP6, before it opened. I think my sales coverage was shocked when I told him I wanted 2 tickets after he offered to all of his clients. I think I was the only one of his clients w/o kids who wanted tickets.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

FB has just reached everyone...

I was just friend requested by a person I met on a flight 3 years ago who I said this about:

"I get a reclining exit row isle and am set. A 26 year old girl from Uzbekestan sits next to me and has no book, cards or anything. She talks to me the whole flight. I find out her maternal grandmother is Jewish so I guess talking to her isn’t a total waste of time. She teaches me some card games and she heads to LA after we land."

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Driving that LIRR Train

It's July 4th weekend, and this is the FIRST weekend all summer that I have not been out to Long Island. When asked about Long Island, I used to say things like "I've been east of JFK twice, and only for weddings" or "I love Long Island! It's an amazing barrier island for Connecticut. Keeps CT safe from Hurricanes." Now a days, it seems as though I'm taking the LIRR (Long Island Rail Road) every weekend. AND I hate to admit this, but I actually enjoy being out there. Its 2 hours or less, and all of a sudden, you're relaxed, having a drink, forgetting your NYC stress, and pretending you're on vacation.

I hate posts like this, so I'll try to keep it interesting, but here's a quick recap of my Long Island Adventures.

On Saturday, May 23rd, I went hiking up in the Bear Mountain area, right by Westpoint w/some volleyball friends. Here are some pictures of me from that hike

On Sunday, May 24th, I drove up to the Hamptons for the evening. I am part of a share up there, and there was an extra spot for the night so I took it. Drinks at Sunset Beach on Shelter Island and then to a really nice dinner in Sag Harbor. I knew 3 of the people up there, so figured I'd have fun. Def wasn't worth the trip.

Interesting things from this weekend:
- I drove 2 hours to Bear Mountain, and 2 hours back, and not one of the 4 people in my car offered to pay for gas. WTF?
- Everyone had bad allergies.
- I suggested ice cream after the hike, and didn't get any, while everyone else did.
- No idea why, but I'm just not eating that much ice cream this summer.
- I drove home from the Hamptons with a guest as well, she didn't offer to pay for gas after that ride either. WTF?
- I met a very nice, down to earth girl, who was absolutely nuts with a little alcohol in her. She didn't know where to stop, didn't know what she was doing. I ended up having to pull her out of a fight w/some foreigners who's boyfriends she was trying to grind up against.

On Friday May 29th, went to the Hamptons house w/the roommate. Went to Dune and had an OK time. Saturday, Steven and I went to the Wolfer Estate b/c the Hurricane's friend's family owns the place. Drank wine all day there. Everyone went to dinner except Steven and I b/c we didn't really like the people there that weekend and we didn't want to spend $100 a person to sit w/them. We watched basketball at Madame Tongs, where they were supposed to meet us afterwords. They never did, or messaged. Left early on Sunday, at least driving was only 1.5 hrs or so.

Friday June 5th, Steven and I decided to go to Fire Island, just for the night. Mr. Robinson joined us and we crashed at Steven's Aunt and Uncle's place in Ocean Beach. Despite the rainiest possible night ever, FI was still a blast. We had to teach Mr. Robinson how Fire Island is the Key West of the East, or 7's Heaven, as I now like to refer to it. (We call it 7's Heaven b/c every one's a 7. No one is ugly, no one is super hot, every one's just above average). I met this lovely girl, and you can read all about her HERE. For those of you wondering, I went with option D), I never wrote her back. Saturday, we left early and took the train to Belmont Raceway for the Belmont Stakes (In Queens, which is technically LI). Met up w/the Hurricane and her Roommate and other friends. A few coworkers were there, a few volleyball people were there....and I won some $$$. Just a great weekend, ruined a few days later, but still great times.

Friday June 12th, I headed out to FI for one of my share weekends. Steven was celebrating his birthday out there and I was in a house with Evan, Robbie, and a few other kids I knew. Was a pretty good night for all...and I left early in the morning to take the LIRR back to NY for Party at the Piers. Party at the Piers was a huge success. I had about 30 of my friends come and we raised something like $27K. Thought it was raining, the outdoor party was covered by a canopy. After the party was the after party at my apt, only a few avenues away. Here are some pictures from that evening. I met DJ for only the second time that evening, but we've hung out quite a few times since. It's somewhat amazing to me that 5 days after I write something like "I'm not even close to dating anyone," I meet someone. Then all of a sudden, I'm dating someone.

Friday June 19th, I don't actually have a share this weekend and spend most of my time in NYC. It's father's day weekend, and my coworker's friend's dad couldn't go to the US open, so she gave her tkts to my coworker, and he took me! So back onto the LIRR it was for a Sunday at the US Open. (Bethpage, NY). Unfortunately due to the rain, it was only 3rd round play. Double unfortunately due to the rain, I was covered in mud and my plans to go straight to grandma's for BBQ had to be altered slightly. Here's a picture of my shoes after this lovely day in the mud.

Friday June 26th it was back to Fire Island for a full weekend in Evan's share. Steven and Tom joined me and lets just say it was an awesome weekend. Elana, Daniella and David their own house that weekend and partied like rock stars with the rest of us. I bumped into Peterson, I made some new friends, and I had no desire to talk to any "real" girls. Strange! The first 24 pictures of this ablum are from this weekend.

Yes, folks, that brings us to 4th of July weekend. After 6 weekends in a row spending time on Long Island, I'm finally back in NYC. And let me tell you, I did NOTHING this weekend. Well....after Thursday night's party. Last year on the Thursday before July 4th we had a little house warming / rooftop party (Here's the link where I mentioned it w/pics). This year, since no one was working July 3rd, we had the 2nd Annual Thursday before July 4th Party. The last 50 pictures in this album are from the party. I'd say it went pretty well, though I do owe g-d a thank you. (it stopped raining at 7:30pm, and the night was perfect after that). The only way it would have better is if Hurricane and DJ were there.