Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Fashion Experts

I met the Hurricane in November, her friends in January, the DJ in May/June and now I've got a whole new group of friends who I talk to daily. This group is composed of fashionistas... All of them dress well. Some of them work in the industry. All of them study the trends. Some of them write articles about types of clothing I didn't know existed.

As for me, categorizing my fashion sense as dense, could be considered a complement. That doesn't stop me from having strong opinions. As all you kids know, I try to have strong opinions on everything. Three months ago, I created a T-shirt called "leggings are not pants," (shown below). Everytime I wear it (3x now), it's created a bit of stir, a ton of conversation, and somehow made me an expert in the field of "what actually looks good." Glitter, took my shirt and wrote an article on it, interviewing me in the process. HERE IS THE ARTICLE.

I've referenced my guy rules of fashion before, but I don't think I've ever listed them. Now is as good a time as any.

Ben's Fashion Manifesto:

(Aka, Ben's rules for guys, so they don't look bad & stupid. The goal isn't to look good, its to avoid looking bad. Some of these things can look good, but not on everyone.)

1. No exposed belt loops. If you tuck your shirt in, wear a belt.

2. If you are wearing a belt, make it match your shoes. Very simple matching includes Brown belt with Brown shoes and Black with anything else.

3. Make your socks match your shoes. Black with Black, White w/Sneakers, Other clolors w/Brown. No Yellow, Red, Orange, or Light blues or greens or purples.

4. If you're wearing shorts, and sneakers, athletic low cut white socks.

5. Don't show your undershirt. If you are going to wear one, make it a V, make it invisible.

6. If oversweating isn't an issue, wear an undershirt to work, but not at other times.

7. No blue shirts w/jeans. Blue and Blue is for cowboys.

8. No white pants. You're a guy, you don't wear white.

9. Make sure your pants/shorts or shirt are a solid. At least one of the two. If you want to wear plaid shorts, your shirt should be solid. If you want stripped shirt, pants have to be jeans or a solid.

10. No pink shirts. Pink shirts only look good on males of African descent.

11. If your sleeves don't reach your wrist, roll them up.

12. Chains are trashy.

13. Tank tops are trashy.

14. Shirts with embroidering are risky.

15. Don't wear shorts to a strip club, its cold...and nasty.

Of course, these rules contradict the "everything's fine in 09" and the "renegotiating my life" matra I spoke about in my last posting. This is all about mitigating risk to avoid disasters.


Anonymous said...

You are so WRONG about the pink shirt rule! Obviously not all pinks should be worn by guys - but a nice, subtle pink on guys can definitely work!

DJ said...

To clarify, if a guy is able to discern between shades of pink then I think he would be safe to don a nice, subtle, light pink shirt. If a guy is completely lacking in fashion-sense, then yes, avoid the pink family.