The new year is approaching! Its time to pick a theme for 2010! Everything's Fine in '09 was a wonderful mantra till I met my DJ. After that, I had so much less time for all of the other things I had said yes to, I was slightly overwhelmed. Additionally, with a girlfriend, it's not as easy to do anything and everything you want to. As I've learned this year, you actually have to consider the other person as well. How revolutionary! For my DJ, I'll gladly make that sacrifice. But that's what adults do isn't it? They consider others and don't just say "yes" to everything. They mature, they grow up, and they say "no" sometimes too. Saying "yes" to everything, while fun, isn't really a very grown up way to act. Continuing on this thought process, it may just be time to grow up. 4 days into 2010, I'll be turning 30, and won't really be a kid anymore. Thus, I can no longer agree to do to everything I want to, before thinking about what I'm actually agreeing to. Therefore, just like when I was 13, it's time for me to become a man. To paraphrase and rhyme: Boyz II Men in 2010.
"It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday." Boyz II Men, Yesterday
Everything's fine in '09 is over! It may be tough to let that mantra disappear, but it's time. The mantra, while an interesting experiment on living, isn't a way to live forever. Just ask Tiger Woods. For him, everything wasn't fine in '09. As I see myself moving forward, it's time for some things not to be fine. It's time to say goodbye, to yesterday.
Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by - Boyz II Men, Water Runs Dry
One of the problems with never growing up is that I risk missing out on things adults do. My fears surrounding this are substantial, and these fears are driving forces which contribute to my need to become a man. To simplify, while I have short term fears about growing up, I have much longer term fears about not growing up.
I don't want to wake up one morning and realize my whole life has past me by. I don't want to wake up alone when I'm 40. I have goals in the future, and while I'm scared of the short term sacrifices it will take to get there, I'm also scared of how hard it will be on me if I don't get there. I've observed some of my female friends who had goals at 25 (pink), 30 (wise guy), or 35 (unnamed), and haven't achieved those goals. They are freaking out. I don't want to freak out when I hit an age, like 40. I don't want too ever look back and realize, its too late to go back and do what I could have done when younger. Technically, I already do that about being a professional football player, and the feeling sucks.
"Close your eyes, make a wish.
And blow out the candlelight.
For tonight is just your night.
We're gonna celebrate, all thru the night." Boyz II Men, Yesterday - I'll Make Love to You
I'm growing up and here are a few of the things I want to do now that I'm an adult:
Live Alone: I've previously wrote about how I'm getting "divorced" at the end of June, the latest. I removed that posting b/c some of you thought it could be insensitive. Nevertheless, it is happening. I'm not sure if I'm gonna buy, or gonna rent, but I'm gonna be gone. What will I do with the new freedom? Will I walk around naked? Will I throw more parties? Will I be lonely? Will I love it? Will I hate it? Who knows! All I do know is that I'm doing it, and It's part of growing up and being an adult.
Shoot a Gun: I wanna shoot a gun. I never have. I think it's something I want to try. I don't know if I'll like it or not. I don't know if I'll become a regular shooter or be even more for gun control. But before I fight against handgun access, I may as well try one.
Take Classes: I'm not sure what I want to take classes in. I tried Hebrew a few year ago and that didn't take. Perhaps I'll take an art class. Maybe I'll take an intense gym class that will kick my ass and get me in shape.
Invest in a Business/Idea: There's something about ownership that I love. There's something about ownership that I don't ever feel. Similar to the pride of painting a picture, or creating something from scratch, you can get that from own, starting, funding your own business. Maybe it'll be a bar, maybe it'll be a start up idea, maybe it'll just be something more simple, but I want to do this at some point. I'm so uninspired by working, when I'm not working for myself, I want to feel inspired with what I do. I want to work hard for myself. I realized this while making my grab bag gift for my office. I got my hands a little dirty and created an exo skeleton for an umbrella so you couldn't tell what it was before opening it. It took me an hour, but I felt creative, inspired and happy. I feel this way sitting in the board meetings of the Isabella Freedman Retreat Center as well, even though I still know very little about the facility. I like that feeling and I want it. I have no clue when I'll do something like this, but I want to. I want to badly.
UPDATED - 1/2/10:
I saw Up I The Air a few days ago and the thematic resemblance to this blog posting are uncanny. If I had written this posting AFTER seeing the movie w/my DJ, not only would she have thought I was unoriginal, but also she would have accused me of plagiarism. The movie's a "coming of age" piece about a middle aged guy, who refuses to make any real decisions, make any real connections, and move forward with his life. His whole life is "up in the air" until he realizes that his life is passing him by. Thus the title of the movie, thus my posting.
I meant to document some of my "accomplishments" and "successes" of Everything's Fine in '09 in the original post (yes, the quotation marks are necessary). There are plenty of things I never would have done this year that I did do b/c of the mantra. I'll just list a few:
I went to Egypt w a virtual stranger.
I became a mentor of a 14 year old Bronx student.
I ate talapia.
I ate cod.
I went to Florida
I went to Texas
I went to the Poconos
I spent 2 days building buildings in Israel - Here and Here.
I ate salad.
I ate sushi.
Oh, If you're looking for something to get me for my upcoming 3-0, HERE'S the updated list.